Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

Ok, so it's time to leave work and...I don't feel like going home. The last place I want to be is where people ignore me. Even my S seems to be in ignoring phase again. <--Teenagers! lol! I don't want to go home. I hate going up to my room and finding things to do, makes me feel like I am in depressed mode again and I definitely don't want to go back there again.

Sometimes I feel like I should be the WAW! This is how it felt at home before I sank into depression.

But despite my recent plethora of pity parties (how's that for alliteration?) I am going to do things tonight. I'm going to stop by our Rec Center to look into some yoga/pilates/or other type classes to see what they have and sign up for something. I'm going to do some light grocery shopping then maybe go to the library and find this book I've been looking for. I don't even feel like calling to let them know. They are going to karate, they won't even know I am gone. What a bee-yatch.

[Pudmuddle]

Reading M Go Blue's thread Moving Forward II in the sticky posts. Good stuff and is boosting my pma.

Everyone should read this.

[JFun51]

(((Hugs))) to you tonight Pud. Really feeling for you. Alone just svcks. If you support or hugs you can come here. That's why we are all hanging around.

[3boymom]

Hugs Pud...I know this lonely feeling all too well. My boys keep me busy most of the time, but I miss the adult interaction and getting to share my life with my best friend. I even let me oldest guy sleep in my room last night so I was not alone. Good job getting out and going somewhere you have always wanted to go. I hope tomorrow is a better day!!

[3boymom]

I highly recommend a yoga class. I started going a couple of months ago to get me out of the house and to get some exercise. It has been great!

[Ambivalent]

But despite my recent plethora of pity parties (how's that for alliteration?)

Always awesome to see another alliteration amigo !

I feel you tonight Pud.

[S4tk]

Pudmuddle,

I feel ya. W is still in house and ignores me. My kids are 5 and 1 and still in "adore dad" mode so that makes it a lot easier. Prayed for you just now.

GALing and all that - it's really the only way to do this right now, you know?

[tigerlily78]

Sorry you are feeling lonely Pud. Maybe we should exchange numbers sometime. Then we can run up the long distance bill and both our H's will want to know who's on the line. lol.

I am glad I had my son with me this weekend while my H was away, it sure does make it easier.

I also appreciated the alliteration. I am such a nerd (I think it's a good thing).

I think yoga is a fantastic idea. I have really enjoyed doing it on my own, but a class would be fun I bet too.

At least you get to leave the house once in awhile. So far I am conveniently right here where my H left me with no car. Drive baby, drive! Cruise around town and do what you want to do. You are free!

Did you find what you wanted at the library? It's so funny you mentioned this. I was just asking a friend tonight if she has a current library card, mine is expired and I have late fees to pay too. Unfortunately she thinks she owes more in late fees than I do. The library here is pretty small, I hope I don't run out of books before my H comes out of his MLC. :P

[tigerlily78]

Also, just occurred to me. Did you H previously distance from your son? Maybe H spending so much time with son is their "reconnecting" ... hasn't job or someone mentioned that they will reconnect with friends and children, and the spouse is last?

Something to think about.

[Pudmuddle]

I can't tell you how nice it was to come here and see all of your posts of support and hugs. It boosted my PMA quite a bit

JF, thanks for the hugs. Being alone is something I am going to have to find peace with, and I am slowly getting there.

3, thanks for the hugs. I have often wished I had more kids just so I would have some little ones to help brighten the day, they sure do at times! You are lucky to have that. And I did check out the rec center classes, they have lots going on and I can pay as I go so I don't have to be locked into anything right now. I did yoga quite a while ago and really liked it, so we shall see. Might be pilates to help with toning of this ol' bod.

Ambi, thanks for being there. I love alliteration, I used to joke around with my Dad about silly things like this, so it makes me feel good inside.

S4tk, I appreciate your support. I'm so glad you too, have a little one that can boost your pma. Maybe I need to grab some kids off the street and hug them...wait, that would be creepy. :)I think because my S is nearing a fully independent phase that hits me a little harder too, during these tough times.

tiger, my fave tiger, I would LOVE to exchange numbers!! LOL. Too bad there isn't more ways to communicate on here, but they have their reasons. I would love to meet everyone here in person, that would be so amazing. Next time I drive around, I will definitely be thinking of you! Too bad I can't just drive over for a visit.

I didn't end up going to the library. I stayed at work for quite a while just reading on mlc stuff. Then I took myself to dinner at Whole Foods and then stopped by the Rec Center. By the time I got home it was 9:00 and both my boys were home.

Apparently H didn't feel like going to karate so he and S stayed home! I was like Oh. H seemed kind of down too. I'm wondering if my snuggle the other night got to him or he had a fight with Floormop. He seemed really tired and said he didn't sleep that night. Hmmm....

But the minute I got home he was sharing and rewinding this tv show about buying houses in Hawaii. We have always loved watching these together in the past because we have taken many trips outside the U.S., usually tropical places. So I was taken in by the fact that he was so insistent that I watch parts of this show, and he shared LOTS of his thoughts on it. Again, Hmmmm....

Then after a bit I touched his leg and he looked at me, in the eyes actually!! and I said 'G'night hon, I'm going to bed'. And he immediately said 'Me too, I'm real tired'.

But this morning, you know what? I woke up SINGING! It was so awesome and for some reason it was an old tune, for the life of me I can't remember the name of it, but it was a happy song.

I also realized, I am dealing with my sadness and grief with these past plethora of pity parties, and I also woke up with extreme peace this morning. I thought ya know if he asked for a D (of which he still never has spoken the words, I think he really thinks he has because of his fog), I would say Ok! do what you need to do, and I really would be ok.

I WILL be OK.