Still having my good and bad days. I do great until I have to go over to her place to see the kids. The coldness, talking down to me tone of voice really gets to me, then Im bummed out thinking how challenging co-parenting will be in this type of atmosphere.
(There are two schools of thought to this. I will speak from the one that says your marriage is completely over and you are seeking the best possible coparenting relationship possible. There is no chance for reconciliation and you do care for the mother of your children and her well-being.)
When she is using the talking down to you tone of voice, detach from that completely as if you are watching yourself on a television show. Ask yourself WHY you think she is speaking to you in such a way. What is the derivation of that attitude and behavior?
I do not think you would classify your WAW as a complete "b"-word, so something is triggering her mood and she is projecting that unhappiness, frustration, irritability, etc. onto you. Put yourself in her shoes. Clearly she is hurt and is lashing out. What can you do to help?
Detaching allows you to not take this behavior personally, and to tap into the amazing qualities you have such as compassion, love, and wisdom in order to benefit her...just as a person, not as your W.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
It has been a year since the BD and her attitude towards me has seemed to worsen. DB'ing has really helped me but relationship wise it feels more distant. I realize all I can do is become the best person I can for me & the boys, and except that she doesn't want me in her life.
Except, as she may have figured out, she can't just get rid of you with a divorce. So it's important to truly detach from her emotionally at this stage and just be there for her as a person. If she completely rejects any offers of assistance, then of course comply with her requests.
But if she sees you as someone who is truly out to 1) help her and not 2) help her become your W again, then at least her treatment of you may change.
Who knows the potential possibilities that can come from this approach, but at least your co-parenting relationship will have a chance to improve.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
Doing my best to be more accepting to my aloneness and not dwell in loneliness.
Dwell well!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
