Wife wants Divorce, I Do Not.

[tough spot]

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. The first time she said she was unhappy was about 9 years ago....we worked on things...got better. About 3.5 years ago she had an EA with an ex boyfriend.....more counseling.....got better.

Now she has had bariatric surgery, lost 100 pounds, and finally finished school and got a job as a teacher. So a lot of change for her this last year. Now, she feels 'like she is mentally disconnected from the marriage', that in her mind it is over.

We have been discussing difficulties for the past two months, celibate, and the above statement was from last night. So when i asked her 'what are we going to do now', she stated she was 'OK with the living arrangement'. I have read divorce busting in full and I paid for the download of Michele's couples class from the 90's (based on the way she is dressed ). Asking my wife if it was time to watch another segment of the video is when she claimed 'i feel disconnected from the marriage'...eg, why bother.

So it has been amicable so far, no pleading, no rationalizing why we should stay together. Again, after last night's discussion i stated 'well, i am going to continue to work on myself and even if things dont work out, i will still be a better person at the end'. I did admit that i have been in a rut the past few years and i can see that her changing and my not, could be a source of friction.

So now what? Financially there is going to be no one moving out anytime soon. But I am married, not interested in having a room mate whom i also have children with! How to detach without being a prick when we live in the same house?

Frustration abounds! So Burning Heart you are not alone.