Wonk, yes. I will be with her for the surgery. We even discussed how in this big moment of her life it was me she wanted by her side and not AP. We talked about how that says something of the bond the M has in comparision to the A. But at lunch today, she told me she needed to tell me something. Then the big tears started to well up in her eyes.
She needed to tell me that she is struggling with not calling AP and letting her know she is having surgery. Ok. I listened. I thanked her for telling me. I didn't see a need for a response. other than, "I'm sorry your are hurting." Then she asked me what was I feeling? Oh goodness... What was I feeling.
I told her I was trying to be empathetic but that I had boundaries to protect myself. (some of you may remember she had shoulder surgery back in Jan. before the S. Rememeber when AP was calling her mom's cell in the waiting room... MomInLaw thought AP was just a really good, concerned friend. uggh. And remember when AP sent an entire freaking dinner to MY house) Well. I do. So I simply answered W. "I am trying to understand and be empathetic to what you are going through. But I have boundaries and I will not go through "that" again. (She understood. No need to re-hash)
She tried to bait me into a fight. If I would fight, she could justify calling AP. I refused to engage. She threw some zingers but I saw them for the pain and personal shame reflections they really were.
When she calmed. I told her that. I said, "I feel that you try to bait me into fighting when conversations become emotionally uncomfortable." I went back to work. About twenty minutes later she texted, " I'm sorry. I love you. xoxo"
The biggest reflection of my personal growth and just how far I have really come, is the one I see when I look at my W. Her pain, her confusion, and her raw emotion. I survived all of that stuff post BD and S... on my own. I really did. I'm only getting better. Hallelujah!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
