You know this... Detachment and boundaries are for YOU.
Maybe accepting an offer to be with her isn't a bad thing, maybe what happens when your there is what is more important, makes sense?
Know your boundaries and then show her the new you, no expectations, just be you.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Melissag, thank you for your perspective. I certainly see what you're saying and it isn't going unconsidered.
jp, excellent reminder.
To all, I'm likely more accommodating than I come across on this MB. XW & I do have a special connection that has lasted throughout this 2 year ordeal, despite the potential perspective I may give.
Interesting weekend. Talk to you later.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Either XW is keeping me on her hook as a backup option or she is giving me the blueprint to us R. Given her actions, if the former is the case, she would be committing some very serious deception that I don't sense at all. Plus, I like the positive nature of the latter option.
I'm not having any expectations, I'm just listening to what she is saying. If that's what's she's telling me, then let's keep on keepin' on.
The no expectations part is still important because as everyone reading this knows, things can appear one way one day and completely change the next.
So I'll just keep doing my thing. It might actually be working.
Obviously I don't believe in jinxes or I wouldn't have posted what I just posted. I wouldn't have written the previous sentence either...
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You are reading into what she is saying, instead of just accepting that maybe, MAYBE she really does just want to spend time with you. I can see why you would set emotional boundaries for yourself, but I am not sure what you are waiting for from her. Do you want her to BEG? Does she have to say she is 100% committed to working things out, and wants to R and get remarried and love you forever? All she is asking is for you to go write at her house.
I've been thinking about this, and it's important to me. I have worked so hard on removing pressure...removing anything that can even be perceived as pressure so that she can heal and move forward.
I have said that if we are to reconcile, that I don't want it to be a half-assed attempt (not necessarily in those words). But you make an excellent point. I have created an environment where reconciliation with me is 100% devotion to our family and to our relationship.
THAT is most definitely PRESSURE!
Thankfully this is largely behind the veil from her view, but it's certainly possible that this posture I maintain is seeping out into other areas because I was not aware of it.
I feel justified with my stance. There are kids involved and a lot of hurt and hearts in play. There is a lot of history and baggage and garbage and memories and love.
However, my stance could certainly be counterproductive to reconciliation given its inherent posture of pressure.
I have been thinking about this. I don't think the answer for me is to be aware of the pressure my stance creates so that it doesn't accidentally pop out somewhere else. I don't think I need to try and hide it as best I can.
I think the answer - for me, at least - is to let go even more.
I think I need to truly let go of the past and approach her like a new person, and us - whatever we are - like a completely new relationship.
--- So there's this pretty lady that I like. She's got some baggage (and FOUR KIDS!!!), but I like her...there's just this connection between us that I can't ignore (and her kids are alright, I guess ). She invited me over to her place tomorrow because she wants me to make some food for her that she's been craving. I'm going to go over and see if I can get to know her better.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You are reading into what she is saying, instead of just accepting that maybe, MAYBE she really does just want to spend time with you. I can see why you would set emotional boundaries for yourself, but I am not sure what you are waiting for from her. Do you want her to BEG? Does she have to say she is 100% committed to working things out, and wants to R and get remarried and love you forever? All she is asking is for you to go write at her house.
I've been thinking about this, and it's important to me. I have worked so hard on removing pressure...removing anything that can even be perceived as pressure so that she can heal and move forward.
I have said that if we are to reconcile, that I don't want it to be a half-assed attempt (not necessarily in those words). But you make an excellent point. I have created an environment where reconciliation with me is 100% devotion to our family and to our relationship.
THAT is most definitely PRESSURE!
Thankfully this is largely behind the veil from her view, but it's certainly possible that this posture I maintain is seeping out into other areas because I was not aware of it.
I feel justified with my stance. There are kids involved and a lot of hurt and hearts in play. There is a lot of history and baggage and garbage and memories and love.
However, my stance could certainly be counterproductive to reconciliation given its inherent posture of pressure.
I have been thinking about this. I don't think the answer for me is to be aware of the pressure my stance creates so that it doesn't accidentally pop out somewhere else. I don't think I need to try and hide it as best I can.
I think the answer - for me, at least - is to let go even more.
I think I need to truly let go of the past and approach her like a new person, and us - whatever we are - like a completely new relationship.
--- So there's this pretty lady that I like. She's got some baggage (and FOUR KIDS!!!), but I like her...there's just this connection between us that I can't ignore (and her kids are alright, I guess ). She invited me over to her place tomorrow because she wants me to make some food for her that she's been craving. I'm going to go over and see if I can get to know her better.
So there's this pretty lady that I like. She's got some baggage (and FOUR KIDS!!!), but I like her...there's just this connection between us that I can't ignore (and her kids are alright, I guess wink ). She invited me over to her place tomorrow because she wants me to make some food for her that she's been craving. I'm going to go over and see if I can get to know her better.
PM - THIS is awesome. Jeez, it even made me tear up a little!
You have offered up so much help and been such a source of support for so many on these boards, including me. Your "new" lady friend is a fool if she doesn't see how awesome you are. Best of luck tomorrow . . . where is my cheerleading pom pon emoticon?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I failed to mention that this is a good week for me.
I took my last exam
D3 turns into D4
2 year BD date is this week.
I'm on my phone, so very succinctly I'd like to thank you all for your support and encouragement. It really means a lot to see people caring enough to provide input on my sitch.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
). She invited me over to her place tomorrow because she wants me to make some food for her that she's been craving. I'm going to go over and see if I can get to know her better. 
