You're being dramatic now because you've been sneaking some of my amaretto behind my back!!
Yes, marriage is tough. "For better, for worse"
I read somewhere that it takes about 3-4 months for a person to get the OW/OM out of their system. It isn't too different from being weaned off from a drug. It's called "dopamine." You're gonna need to rent a Bobcat for patience.
Have you considered the possibility of telling your W that you want to be at her side for the surgery? That is what married couples do. Mutual support and being her rock. And you wouldn't have it any other way! It seems to me that W is looking to you for reassurance based on her multiple comments about being "broken", "not being strong."
