I have been insanely busy. Things have been back and forth a bit with W. I've had the hardest time dealing with the OM - not the A itself. I realize that was meaningless and nothing, but the guy is a horrible fat ugly slob. W even said he is ugly and fat; so I guess it makes me wonder if she can possibly have any idea of what it means to love someone and have a meaningful relationship, including a physical one?
However, she has never wavered from what she said originally about being all in 100%. She said even the A itself was nothing; she felt absolutely nothing when it happened, and it only happened because she thought we were irreparably broken and I was her only chance at a real relationship so she had nothing left, and nothing really mattered. She told me a few days ago that she literally never thinks about OM at all unless it comes up in R talks, and when it does, she is disgusted by him. She said the A is really what made her realize how dead she was inside, and she couldn't stand the mess she had made of her marriage, and needed to fix it.
She has always locked her phone since I've known her, and she leaves it unlocked now, and leaves it lying around. She asks me to come over all the time, hugs and kisses constantly. Always tries to initiate ML. A couple weeks ago, I asked about a phone number, and it was her boss and she told me I can call any number I see, read her email, log into her Facebook.
I actually looked at her Facebook, and she not only blocked OM, but his entire family, and most of the "new" friends she had made for the time we were separated. I didn't even ask for that, but she said she wanted a clean break, and they hadn't been good for her.
We went to TN for Wed-Friday because both of our sets of kids where with the other parents; had a good time. W had never been there so I got to share some cool places and memories with her. Our drive home, she opened up in ways she never has, admitting a lack of relationships on any level (including family and friends), admitting she has been a bad step-mom because she resented my closeness with the kids, lots more.
We are starting counseling next week, and we're both not only ready for it, but looking forward to it. I think it's good that we have the zeal, but are willing to allow a professional to help us build the path...
It's awesome that you're finally going to MC together to rebuild your relationship, Jon.
About the OM. You're giving him way too much power and head space in there. You've come out of this as a victor and he's been shot down by Katniss Everdeen! It is your choice whether to keep looking at the OM corpse or move on. Work through those feelings and discard them one by one.
Hey pal, I was just teasing hoping it would prod you into coming out of hiding.
It sounds like things are progressing normally for your sitch and that you are taking it slow. The C may be able to help you get over the hang up with the OM appearance.
I've read that more often than not, when an A happens, its usually someone below the WAS's "grade". My guess is a WAS wants a quick fix for their confused emotions and that some one below their grade is a quick and easy pick up and that they don't have to work as hard at it. And I also guessing that if the WAS has someone below their grade that they are probably showered with affection, compliments, gifts etc because the OM is so darn excited to have a chance. But I could be way off base, it's happened once or twice. lol
Glad things are going well for y'all and that you are starting counseling.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
@Wonka - you're probably right, and I really am pretty much over it. Awesome Hunger Games reference! I hadn't really talked to W a lot about it. First, I don't care to know any details, and second, she got really grossed out and visibly disturbed if talking about it, so it obviously isn't a pleasant memory. She finally basically did say he was gross, and she hated it because when it happened she literally felt nothing, and the "dead feeling" scared her. Hate it for her, but having that conversation last week helped clear things up.
@NTX - thanks! OM isn't the problem necessarily, but rather I think my fear is more that W is desperate for any guy, no matter how bad he looks.
However, my own fears are really belied by her actions and words. She is more honest and real about our marriage and her own hangups than I ever thought was possible, so I'm not going to ruin a good chance. I guess if she had hooked up with Ryan Gosling, I might be chopped liver!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
I know, I hate that!!! I feel involved in some of the sitches on here and a hit and run post like that is pretty frustrating. lol
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
lol