Thank you all for kind words of encouragement. I took a few days away to enjoy my time off and focus on the kids. Considering our current situation, Thanksgiving went really well.
On Friday, H asked to meet for lunch with the kids to discuss Christmas plans/gifts. I agreed and we were able to come up with a plan. We are going to keep things the same as prior years. H said that he is still confused and not sure what may happen in the future, but for now he does not want to make any changes. H even mentioned that maybe we will never need to discuss splitting holidays depending on how things go. I am not latching onto this comment, but took note of it because it is the first time since before BD that he mentioned the possibility of us being married in the future.
H talked for a while about how we thinks that we are much better parents now and how he really enjoys spending quality time with the kids. For two years, H spent no time at all with the kids and worked nonstop. He scheduled work first and then tried to squeeze in time after the fact. H said that he likes our current situation because now he is forced to schedules the kids and family time first and then fit his work stuff around that. I did a good job validating and complimenting him on a huge effort to schedule kid/family time first. I told him that the kids can see a huge difference and love time with daddy. I also mentioned that we don't need to be separated/divorced to have scheduled time and that we could easily integrate something similar into our lives if we were able to R. H agreed.
During our conversation, H mentioned that he hates that things are awkward between us and just wants to act normal around me. He explained that he wants to be able to do things that he feels like doing with me (he mentioned hugging me, play wrestling with me, taking me to the movies). He said that he does not feel comfortable because of the boundary that I put in place about not wanting to be friends while he is still in a relationship with OW. I could tell based on his comments that H thinks that if he starts to get close to me that I will automatically think that we are definitely R.
I tried to validate his concerns. I told him that I wish that we could be normal too and would be happy to do so if OW was not in the picture. I also explained that I understand that if we ever get to the point of trying to R, that it is a process and that we would be starting from scratch and I understand that there would be no guaranteed results (just like the first time we met and started dating).
Am I doing the right thing here? I honestly would love to have the attention from H and would love the opportunity to spend time with him one on one. But I think that he needs to end things with OW first, right?? I just want to make sure that I dont push him away and let me give up on us. Help.
