NEW LIFE / NEW ME - AIRBORNE II

[Fartiltre]

Monday afternoon here! I haven’t spoken with W since Friday and didn’t expect to since Mil has stayed at her place this weekend.
Sunday was a quiet day. I worked the outhouses a bit and been to the forest, met up with the neighbors and talked a little and played an online game with S10 for an hour or so.
W/sit has been on my mind. After interactions with her I tend to move my focus from me back to her and sit afterwards.

Labug,
(In the below I have spewing and spouting meaning the same - I hope this is correct, but please correct my english if it isnt)
I follow you and think your point is interesting but it is hard for me to believe that a person will leave a R to make another person happy. I am not saying it can’t happen but IMO the WAS leaves primarily to save themselves from further hurt. They might think that while doing that they also “save” the LBS. The WAS might even think this is true but I haven’t read any LBS seeing things this way – so…. It might feel real to them but rarely has it anything to do with reality – just my opinion.

That said you might have a point about us using the WAS-script and us looking at our S as an alien, in the fog or a completely different person. We tend to look too much at the WAS as being another person. While you are right on this I also believe that us doing so helps us to keep going. Especially right after BD we need hope so much and this gave me hope. “They can wake up at some point” gives hope to a lot of people.

When this topic comes up it also begs the question "Why would I want to remain married to someone who I thought continually spouted BS?"

Well, I think in common we live with this because of the above. We accept and explains the spew with the fog, script and likewise. I also believe that most of us will have to forget and forgive both ourselves and our spouse. If I took all the things that W have told me for granted, unchangeable and inexcusable I would already have changed my goal. I have “I don’t love you” and “I don’t want to live with you” on the top of the list and that beats most the spew I have heard.

So to me the spouting will not be a problem and neither will her leaving in the first place. She has told me several times all kind of unpleasant things, but I do accept these as her feelings and after 9 months of this I also start to have a very clear picture of why she felt and feels that way. I am seemingly lucky to have an amicable WAW but she has spewed. I understand that she does this from a place of hurt and anger and thereby I have no problems with these things at all.

I see the spew as her reacting to me and life in general, but the goal right now is to change me and life in general and that will hopefully also change the R and her spewing.

I hope this makes sense!