Man jf I can relate to so much of your story. Same thing with my wife and music. Same profession as well. My W's favorite song a month back was Miley Cirus wrecking ball. I'm the same way myself now, I relate a lot more to music than ever before.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Ugh. Why all the shopping? Mine used to be frugal and budget minded. Just spent $166 in two days on who knows what. Have to wait and see what turns up in shopping bags tomorrow.
My H is all into gangsta rap about how you deserve everything you want, and life's about getting fat stacks and booty butts. Oh the humanity. I much preferred the first weeks after BD where he was listening to melancholy independent rock.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
W needs more space to sort out all her feelings, which I'm sure is the case right now with her lashing out. With us living together, still currently sharing the bed, sharing parenting duties and going to functions as a family, giving space is tough. Question is: How can I properly provide W with space to walk her path while we are still walking and talking like a couple?
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
W needs more space to sort out all her feelings, which I'm sure is the case right now with her lashing out. With us living together, still currently sharing the bed, sharing parenting duties and going to functions as a family, giving space is tough. Question is: How can I properly provide W with space to walk her path while we are still walking and talking like a couple?
Some may disagree, but I think those of us with "In home" MLC'ers have a better chance of R. Why? Because we never totally lose connection, and we don't learn that we are fine on our own.
But getting back to your question, here's what you do: Go dim. Do not initiate conversations unless absolutely necessary. Do not hang out in the same room together. Do your own thing, and encourage her to do hers.
You'll know if she is receptive to interacting with you. If she is, go with it. If she's not, no problem, you're busy with your own life and happy with it.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Generally, W has not been a mean MLCer. She is able to put on the pretty face whenever it serves her. I find myself talking to her and initiating conversation way too much, because of that. We can talk normal and carry on like the friends we've always been. That's one thing she has reiterated several times. "I DO NOT LOVE YOU. I feel like you are a good friend of mine." It's the random spew of venom and nastiness that reveals her true colors at this point. I know our contact and friendliness isn't giving her the space to navigate this crisis properly and deal with her own issues that caused this problem.
My struggle today: Dim as humanly possible.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Been looking forward to hearing from you. Your insight has been great in helping me grow. Your suggestions about starting new traditions and doing selfless things were spot on. Visiting my mom on Thanksgiving and spending time with ladies in the nursing home was awesome. Shopping for Angel Tree kids is something I should have been doing for years. My kids were very excited about picking those out.
Its so much easier to spend time on myself and "get out of her head" when she's not in my face and around all the time. Last week was rough with too much together time.
Her latest spew and revelations face that "she's done," "I told you I was talking to OM," "I DO NOT LOVE YOU," etc. etc. etc.
This was followed later in the same day by, "I'll try. I'll try for the kids." Back and forth. Mind you, I didn't ask her to try anything. I want to leave her alone so that she can try to figure things out.
She did do a load of dishes last night and one load of clothes (I did the other 4 loads). She also stayed out of her BR for a while last night helping clean up and put out some decorations. When I finally turned into bed, she left her phone alone.
On my front, trying to close some doors from my past. -Understanding my selfishness and sense of superiority. -My unresolved relationship with my dad who died in 2007. -My lingering anger towards my parents for dropping D on me on my 21st birthday. -The fact that I have never talked to my mother about why she left. -Regrets and anger about the last significant R I had with a woman before W.
Lots of weeds to pull.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
What else are you doing to take a break from this ?
Stuff just for you ???
What is your list of goals for yourself ???
Exercise has been a great outlet for me. The running, working out, etc. It makes me feel good physically and I need to be around a long time for my sons. Funny, though, as its this thing that has made my wife suggest to her friends that I'm the one in MLC.
Being friendlier and more caring Lots of work on making friends and talking to others. Had a 30 minute convo with a total stranger while getting my oil changed the other day. Learned everything about his life from his experiences in Vietnam, to his financial investments, to his family, to his goals, etc. It was great just to listen to someone and care about what they are saying. Wife has always had one of those faces that says "tell me all your troubles." She asked me what took so long the other morning and I related my conversation with the stranger. She commented, "Its usually me that gets that. Maybe your face is beginning to say that now."
Spirituality Exploring my own beliefs and the lessons in the Bible and importance of church in our community. I have always struggled a little with faith. I am regularly attending church and Sunday school with an open mind and participating not because its a duty, but because I want to understand its appeal. I am being rewarded every day with this one. New friends, new support, new perspectives, lessons to back up everything we say and do.
Goals? Too generic right now. I want to be a better man and a great role model for my sons. Show them how to be a good, solid man. I continue to put them first in everything. Play time, study time, and discipline time. Being a good parent is hard work.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
