Look what the cat dragged in! (TL)

[Pudmuddle]

Hmmm...very good tiger. I think you let him know where you stood with things. And personally, I think if there are moments of intimacy that can only help the situation.

I do see that he is having moments of clarity, but is still one confused puppy.

YAY for the beardometer!! LOL Sounds like you had some good R talk for your sitch. Keep your cool now!! Don't let it slip back.

Be a cool cuke!

[Whiterose]

I think, once in a while, it's good to "blow".....just so everyone knows where everyone stands. No one thing is going to make it better or worse so don't worry too much about Thanksgiving day as long as you learn from it and move forward it's a learning experience.

[2Times2Many]

Hi Tiger,

I'm caught up on your sitch now and I have to say that you are one amazing woman! I don't know how you manage with things the way they are. I've done it both ways (unfortunately) with him home all the time and with him away most of the time. (I actually prefer the away most of the time - gives me a break from the tension.) I can't imagine what it would be like to have him walk out the door every night knowing where he is going and what he is doing.

I think we all blow once in awhile. I used to do it through emails since he isn't here. LOL

In a lot of ways, your H seems to be like mine regarding making the final move. It's like we are home base and they just can't quite let go of that. I try to look at it as a positive, but it's really tough to let that door remain open and not feel like you are being used.

The beard thing - my H had a nice, closely shaven beard that I loved, but he shaved it off. There was too much gray in it for his taste and his skank is much younger.

By the way, I haven't had a good belly laugh in quite some time, but I cracked up when I read twinkle twat, especially since you said it to him! I'm going to keep that one in mind - I may have a chance to use it someday (although, I hope not.)

They push boundaries and they push buttons and we are always on guard not to fall for it. You are doing such a great job and are inspiration to a lot of us.

[tigerlily78]

Today seemed so long without him around. Got a lot of good work done though, trying to be positive.

Even son commented this afternoon how it was really quiet around here without Dad. He would have liked to play a game with him. I told him if he wanted to he could give Dad a call to let him know he was missed. So son did that after dinner, got the voice mail.

I thought son's message was very sweet. H called back a few minutes later, hadn't even checked the voicemail. Says he called back in case it was an emergency (interesting he had this thought, I had mentioned the other day that his having the car and getting no cell coverage at OW's makes me nervous about what I would do if there was ever an emergency). I said it wasn't an emergency, son was just missing him a little. I told him he could listen to the voicemail later. I asked if he wanted to talk to son now, he says he is just getting ready to "go out" so just tell son he loves him. Passed along the message and son replied he loves him too.

I was doing pretty well today until hearing his voice on the phone. Made me feel a little lonely all of a sudden.

Also wishing now that I had specifically thanked him for calling back. Notes for next time.

[tigerlily78]

Raked the leaves up in the yard with son today. SO many leaves. I have no lawn and leaf bags... what a pain in the butt that is. Just left everything in 3 big piles for now.

Son and I had some hot cocoa to warm up. Maybe play a video game together tonight or watch a movie.

We didn't get son's room cleaned over the break, but that's okay. I know this whole situation has been stressful enough. He needed to just decompress and have time off from school this week with no other big commitments.

[bustingout]

Hi TL,

I was trying to catch up on your sitch. You seem really level headed and clear about how to handle this ugliness. That is very inspiring!

I am really impressed with how you deal with your H. And that you actually get feedback from him.

This is so hard on the kids...good on you to give time to son to decompress. The effects on the kids is the hardest part of this for me.

Hope the cocoa warmed you both up and that you enjoy the video game or movie tonight.

Stay strong and stay positive.

Busting xx

[RosaLinda]

Thanks for the Beardometer update Lily!!

oh heavens, I'm sorry that Thanksgiving deteriorated into a shouting match, but I have noticed that the MLCers don't seem to remember these much or hold them against us as much as a "normal" man would. It has happened over and over with H and me, some blow out or other, and I am SO nervous about facing him afterwards, but he acts like nothing has happened. Maybe it's that MLC memory loss? And I'm so glad that your H did a 180 in his actions yesterday.

I like that you at least temporarily held to your ML boundary (although I don't think I could have lol) and the list of things you want! How nice of him to let you know that sex with OW is not "terrible" LOL - my H says the Russian is "nothing special" in that department! And ummmm, that you gave him something to compare her to next time he's over there! She'll be down to a 3 any minute now, I just bet !! I WAS wondering what Rose meant by "I think, once in a while, it's good to "blow".....just so everyone knows where everyone stands" though LOL! The TG fight or making up the next day?

He does seem to be having moments of clarity, TL. I think taking it "one day at a time" is a pretty detailed plan, as far as MLCers go! And good job validating his " I thought that I would be feeling better because of this" speech, that he realizes everyone is suffering except for OW!

I laughed and laughed at your description of H sheepishly going out to the car every hour to bring in another poinsettia! Too funny! And laughed at you writing that you are thankful for our giant attention spans! Sounds like you had a good day, sorry you are missing him so much today.

As Nero would say, thank you and drive thru.

[tigerlily78]

Hi TL,

I was trying to catch up on your sitch. You seem really level headed and clear about how to handle this ugliness. That is very inspiring!

I am really impressed with how you deal with your H. And that you actually get feedback from him.

Thanks Busting. My H used to be the sort who was not very open about how we was feeling. I see how that ended up contributing to his pent up anger and resentment and his sense that "I should know how he feels" even if he doesn't tell me played into a lot of our R problems. So yes, now that he is willing to open up a little and tell me how he is feeling, I think it's really a positive 180 for our situation.

It did really strike me as odd, how at BD and in the first week or so afterwards he wanted to tell me EVERYTHING. I know WAY more about the OW than is reasonable or sane. I suspect a big part of my H's journey is going to be finding his ability to be comfortable sharing his thoughts and emotions in a more intimate way than he used to. And for that I am glad.

There was a big lull in our communication when I first told him I could no longer stand to hear all about how great OW was and that it was disrespectful and hurtful for him to subject me to hearing it. I made it clear I was still willing to talk about him, us, and our son. So now it seems like he is finally in a place again where he can talk to me about HIM, and that is a big deal.

[tigerlily78]

I like that you at least temporarily held to your ML boundary (although I don't think I could have lol) and the list of things you want! How nice of him to let you know that sex with OW is not "terrible" LOL - my H says the Russian is "nothing special" in that department! And ummmm, that you gave him something to compare her to next time he's over there! She'll be down to a 3 any minute now, I just bet !! I WAS wondering what Rose meant by "I think, once in a while, it's good to "blow".....just so everyone knows where everyone stands" though LOL! The TG fight or making up the next day?

He does seem to be having moments of clarity, TL. I think taking it "one day at a time" is a pretty detailed plan, as far as MLCers go! And good job validating his " I thought that I would be feeling better because of this" speech, that he realizes everyone is suffering except for OW!

I DO still have some ML boundaries. I didn't throw them all away just yet. I am thinking next time he offers me goodies I may just take them too. It sure does improve my mood.

Haha... I didn't even think about the double meaning in Rose's post. LOL. So funny! I just took it to mean the argument, not the other thing.

I hope OW falls down the ratings scale like a brick, but that is probably too optimistic. I think my H is so enjoying the extra skating and eating out and attention, that OW gets a lot of credit for his "happiness" for things that aren't really her doing. I have planted a seed on that theme, but it will probably wake awhile for him to really see it. I do think if he and I manage to have more good interactions and he feels comfortable here that it will help him reassess the ow situation a lot faster.

I know in his MLC fog is hasn't occurred to him that not being faithful to her is indicative that he doesn't really care that much about her, genuinely. His assertion/intention that she will never find out about somehow makes it okay. But really, if you thought someone was your future wife, would you take that chance?

[Pudmuddle]

Ok, I DID see the double meaning but I couldn't go there because I am feeling so...um, er... lascivious. LOL! One of my LL's is physical touch if you couldn't tell. Sigh.

Chestnuts come to mind..

Tiger, I wouldn't count on anything he says about OW being true...but you know that. They all think they have found their soulmates and love is in the air. My H has never said anything about OW and how he feels about her. He has convinced himself that he has asked me for a divorce, but he never has. Probably because he lied to her and told her he did. He can't keep his stories straight. I would be the same with your H.