Moving My Picnic Blanket Over Here

[bustingout]

2! I is so lovely to hear from you thank you! How are you doing??

I'm glad to hear that I am not completely off for actually not wanting him around... I think because he is so rarely here that everything I have learned is theoretical and when he comes I get a chance to practice it ... And it's hard and awkward.

I really think that I can't see us ever reconciling. He is just not interested in me. I don't trust his new attitude towards me. I always think that there is an ulterior motive... It's not authentic. He is just being nicer for his own reasons. He doesn't have any motivation for anything else. Even if things have cooled down with Ow the. I think he would move on to someone else. He will never see my worth.

I give him nothing That he values. I guess soon in the near future I will need to tend to this. I don't want to give up hope however it may be time for me to really accept that h is never coming back. I thought I was there but his niceness threw me for a loop

[bustingout]

H leaves today. We probably wont see him again until xmas. I cant believe how incredibly amazing things are when he is here. How does he not see it or feel it? The kids are SOOO much more relaxed and happy. I see the spark in my son.. a bounce. And my daughter is so much more confident. You feel them feeling complete.

Maybe because he doesn't know what its like when he is not around, he cannot see the difference he makes when he is around.

I know this will be hard on the kids when he leaves. It always is. And to be honest, it still is very hard on me. I will maintain my PMA and be emotionally available to the kids. I know the drill on this now. Its just tiring to have to do it. I am getting tired.

I try to see the small things as baby steps. I don't know if I am looking to hard, reaching too far... If these are indeed baby steps...Have the actions and behaviours I have observed over the past month and a half really baby steps? How do I know? How can they be when OW is still in the picture?

I am so confused.

Yesterday, instead of the whole boat thing, I decided to meet my girlfriend. Her husband (H's best buddy from before BD) and my H decided to meet as well. I thought we were meeting separately. Best buddy called H and said 'me and wife will come over'. Kind of weird. So it was just us four, in the kitchen, having dinner and drinks. Unplanned and random and weird for me.


H does not say no, which he could have done, yet still keeps me at a distance. Ok...is this 'normal' in MLC world?

I am really confused. Does it show? lol

H is not actively initiating, doing, or saying. Yet he is not saying no as much nor is he and I have not been this 'social' with him in years. Its like a passive, unsure, hesitant step underneath a shield of bravado.

I guess I just continue doing what I was doing. Now that he is leaving it will probably be easier to get on with life.

I know Heather said it would be very unlikely that H and OW have a 'plan' ...the idea still whispers in my ear every now and then.

Just another thought. Is it really hard for people who have not been exposed to this craziness, to see what we have learned to see?

[Cadet]

Is it really hard for people who have not been exposed to this craziness, to see what we have learned to see?

In short - YES.

Everything is backwards and upside down, real logic does not work.

So once you "GET" that then people think you are crazy.

[bustingout]

Well ok that makes me feel a little better! My two good girlfriends are angry and think I am not normal for not being angry- and for the way I respond and perceive things in general with regards to H. Thanks cadet :-) :-

[tigerlily78]

Well ok that makes me feel a little better! My two good girlfriends are angry and think I am not normal for not being angry- and for the way I respond and perceive things in general with regards to H. Thanks cadet :-) :-

I think you could lend come clarity to the situation with your GFs by explaining you ARE angry, but you have chosen not to let that anger rule you, you are not going to let it stand in the way of what you want, you are not going to hang on to it and make it your focus... that doesn't accomplish anything. Also, you are always free to say "this situation is mine to walk in the way I feel I need to, what you would feel the need to do in the circumstance might be different, but I have to be true to myself in this."

[bustingout]

TL thank you for your post.

I think this is a very good response

I think you could lend come clarity to the situation with your GFs by explaining you ARE angry, but you have chosen not to let that anger rule you, you are not going to let it stand in the way of what you want, you are not going to hang on to it and make it your focus...

I will remember it for the next time this comes up...

I hope you are well.

[tigerlily78]

You're welcome. I have had to say similar to a couple friends. I have only confided in ONE family member (sister who went through longterm BF leaving her for OW, she is very private like me and can keep things in confidence) that there is in OW in my sitch, so that has made things a lot easier. My family all lives in a different state so it has been easier to limit what I tell them to "he is going through a midlife crisis and acting kind of kooky and making some selfish and bad decisions, but I am pretty confident we can ride this out. I am at least willing to try."

Even though my Mom has been very resentful of H and our relationship in the past, she has actually turned out to be surprisingly supportive in this. She sent me marriage and communication books for my birthday at my request. She has told me how proud she is that I am willing to stand up for my relationship through a challenge, when most people these days would take the easy way out. So that feels nice.

I am doing fairly well at the moment, thanks for asking. I had some recent positives so I am trying to keep them at the forefront of my mind, that there is still plenty of hope.

[JuneReN]

I often think that we we feel as anger is often turned into that from fear, sadness, grief and frustration.

I like to be pretty circumspect with everyone except my closest friend. You never know what gossip gets bandied about. Let's say things are going as smoothly (relatively) as they are now and H hears out of context that you are angry from someone else...not you.

I am not saying you don't have the right to be p*ssed. I think we all do on occasion, but is this how you would want H to hear of your feelings? You've worked too hard and come too far picnic sister.


And Hoo boy, I agree with Cadet...it seems like we are the crazy ones...

[bustingout]

My mum has been really supportive too. Sometimes she gets so frustrated that she can't 'fix' it... I imagine it must be hard on them to see their daughters going through this... I pray this will not be my daughters journey.

I agree about keep real feelings close to the heart and only a few select people know the truth.,everyone else..? ' I am great thanks... I do wish only happiness for H'

It is kind of hard sometimes because I live in a fishbowl.. So ya probably a small blessing that h took his shannigans to another country.

On a personal note- h left amidst heavy and loud tears of S9. D 6 keeps it all in. I kept it together... But was sad inside. Sad about it all. H called to make sure the kids were ok. Of course my feelings don't matter or are acknowledged. I am used to it now.

Today I had this flash of just initiating a divorce. It scared me he way it felt... Freeing, hopeless, not patient, giving up.

These small 'steps' I have spoken about almost make me feel more hopeless

[BrightFuture]

Busting, so sorry about your kids having hard time with H leaving. I’ve been reading about your recent events all along, just didn’t have a chance to post. I’m so happy that you have supportive family and friends. I know how much it means.

I’ve been having the same thought recently about how I need to accept that H is never coming back. And I also started thinking seriously about initiating the D. But, like you, I cannot quite cross that bridge yet. I’m just giving it more time for now.