NEW LIFE / NEW ME - AIRBORNE II

[melissag]

I'm pretty sure that my H really meant it when he said he thought I'd be happy. He said it during a R convo that was not heated at all. I was saying something about how I felt about him and he was surprised to hear it, because he had it in his head that I just couldn't stand him. Now, he has also said that he thinks everyone will be happier and better off if we split (including the children, ha!), and that I do kind of write off as script (he may believe it to be true, but it's clearly a lie he is telling himself at least with respect to the children), but the other comment I think he really meant.

I think one of the major problems in all of this is that LBS act’s premature. We talk about patience and time but if the WAS reaches out with the tip of a finger we tend to eat their arm off.

Yes - I agree with this 100%. Thankfully, I have not yet eaten my H's arm off, though in my head it's way more than just his arm.

I also believe that the WAS needs to think that the LBS has lost interest and moved on. This is needed for them to start thinking “WTF, is going on around me?”. Some of the things I see happened around me could be small signs that my W is at this point. IMO this doesn’t mean that R is closer – it just means that she is watching.

It does seem that your W is at this point now - so maybe you can just nibble on her finger a little and see if she offers up some more.

About the subjects to talk about I think it is important to make these about them and not us. I haven’t told W about anything in my life since I started LRT. Therefore I also believe that talking to her should be started with a question about her and not a story about me. VETs will hopefully tell me if I am wrong.

Hmm. I agree with this somewhat - but what I meant about telling a story about me is, I tell H something he would appreciate or think is funny, or about someone he knows. Maybe something that has to do with one of his interests or hobbies. It's hard to talk about the other person without asking any questions about his/her life, right?

I am rather certain that W wants to share but I have turned her down so many times that she simply has given up. Now I will reach out a little and see if this changes anything.

Good, I hope this works out well, and will be checking back for good news!