Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks 2t,job, it's so hard to be patient. I hope that the consideration is a small sign of them still caring, like 2t said, in our crazy world.

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I've been having some thoughts I need to share, vent on.

The last time my H and I were going through issues and he was on his A, it took for me to be potentially 'dating' someone before he was hit with a shovel to realize what he was doing. This is what triggered him coming back into reality.

Then 25 years ago, when he thought he was going to lose me, because we had a fight, this triggered him to ask me to marry him.

My questions is, do I want to be with someone who is afraid of losing me? Or do I want to be with someone because they want to be with me? There is a huge difference in my mind. I want someone to stick around with me because they WANT to be there. Not because they are afraid someone else will grab me or that they can't stand someone else being with me. It seems like when the competitive side comes out and someone else might be interested in me or if I suddenly may not like him because we had a fight, THEN he is interested. That seems backwards to me if you love someone.

So now it has me mixed up on whether I should attempt to start dating someone...is that really how I want to get him back? I really want him to be here this time because he REALLY WANTS to.

Just kickin' around some crazy thoughts in my head. Does anyone else see the difference and can explain it to me?