glad your thanksgiving was full of people and kidn of "okay".
you know- listening to you- here's a thought. you've had the "decision making " taken out of your hands. if your h will not leave - and it just can't be DONE at the moment- perhaps (this is only me thinking about how " the universe" "god" for want of better names for it- guide your life. it floats around in my head becasue the things that happened to MAKE ME find out about h and his cheating &lying truly CAME OUT OF TEH BLUE. in a seemingly impossible way- yet there they were - in my face at an oddly appropriate time & way- FORCING ME TO know -
THERE WAS no good reason or EVEN A logical way it happened- i swear- it was some wierd "other thing" making it happen.
i know i sound nutty- but bear with me. your h sounds like he is soooo guilt-ridden he's taken it upon himself to punish himesle- (self awreness at lest?) i'd think it was a miracle if i saw h admitting he was "in the wrong" "hurting others - me" " punishing self" "admitting he wanted to be there- part of the family- seeing a future"
i'm just sayin - it's someting - seems like quite alot to me- his communications about this. I GET how much it hurts - believe me- i feel it too- HOWEVER - AT LEAST you 're getting the benefit of his thoughts and admissions and know he realizes (at least in part if n ot in whole) what the heck he's doing to you, him, family, etc. that alone seems huge to me-
MAYBE - JUST MAYBE - THIS IS the decision being taken out of your hands for a bit - for the present time. - why not step back if possible and just decide not to decide - decide not to act or think about it- just let your brain rest a bit and get doing things outside the house - where you are sooooo occupied you cannot have time to think. i know i hammer away - but this is somet hing that is key to me being able to get un-immersed in this sooooo much. it does help me alot -
my h isn't here allll the time- true- but i do know and it does hurt every time i know he's with ow. it's a gut -ripper for us all i'm sure. if you'e being forced by circumstances to endure living together anyway- somehow let yourself off the hook for makign alot of things happen now - that are not happening, and practically speaking - not a good idea to force to the point of poverty and homelessness for either of you- SOOOO- i'm gtting lost, but get what i'n thinking here?
maybe forces beyond your control are working here- maybe your h STAYING there, in the house, in your face, in your life is him battling? self if nothing else??? i don't pretend to know what the heck is going on with him and God and good and evil and ow and alllll that crappola. it's tormented and wcky- but there you have it- mlc insanity. maybe - JUST MAYBE- IT'S TRUE. it's mental illness (hopefully not forever)
why your h needs to be punished? idk- why do i ssem to gravitate to the strength of characterof th ese stinkin scorpios? they're bossy and self-involved and tooooo much in general for me, mere aquarian, to engage with. fight with-
YET- MY LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY FULL OF THEM. and this is waaaay before i ever even knew what the heck sign they were. i didn't even believe it it- all this "sign" stuff- astrology- it's just that over the years it's become apparent that my life is loaded with this particular character. maybe i pick my mother- you read that alllll the time. maybe you picked him because there's something about HIM being what he is- that is what makes you be what you are- or you "need" or I "need" on some le3vel - and all this $hit is the price we pay.
idk- i'd say tho- your sitch- it's seeming impossible to changhe rite now- so why not just take a nap- tell your own brain this is just "how it is" rite now- stop "trying & stop fighting it - and just get your brain busy with something else?
i hate this advice- it's very good advice for me- if i could follow myu own advice all the time i'd probable be a better happier person- i try tho. i find allowing myself not to "be in charge" of this all- and "not HAVE TO make a big- right- life altering decision RITE NOW" AND ALL THAT OTHER JUNK ONE FEELS PRESSURED TO DO WHEN YOUr life is in the toilet- and you feel allllllllllllll like you have to be responsible and find the cure and save yourslef immediately-
maybe like a disease- we can't. we have to try and be gracious under fire- ENDURE - AND WAIT and see?
am i just lazy? (iknow i am) or feeling powerless (we all are- sometimes are not- but largely in life are) or what? idk-
dawn- give dawn a break- just decide to stop fightint it all for a bit- or figuring it out- that's the woarst part-killing yourself "figuring it out and figureint it out" we'll go bald if we continue.
take charge of your brain and tell it to be quiet and relaz and "nothing bad is happening rite this minute" -
xxoo - sorry t5o be a bossy old cow - i'm trying to do the same - it's harder sometimes than ot hers- but it seems to be helping. iprobablyputi t poorly- but you get my jist-
since he & "it" seems to be out of your hands at the moenht- just let it be...... and shoot for being more accepting rather than either mad or sad or guilty about not fixint it rite away....
io know- more crappola advice from some goober out here- ta; da.
