Me 13 months on, affair finally confirmed.

[Fartiltre]

HWA,
I think these thought’s hits us as an element in the process of detaching. I find it totally normal! We have exchanged the turmoil and anxious feelings of loosing W with a new feeling of “What if” but this thought contains a different kind of turmoil.

This is such a worry for most of us LBS, have we shown too much of moving on, that they then give up? I have always worried about going dark. It was needed and advised, but what is the only choice?

What else – that you haven’t tried – would you have done?

Yep, again same thoughts in my mind. How could I have the W back with me again. After so long, and so many different things to learn about her, is it easier to move on now?

It might be easier to move on and IMO that’s what we have to do! We might not have to move to the arms of another woman but we have to move on in the way we look at ourselves and the world.
I try to use this “Build a new R” when I think of this. I am moving on and if a woman asks me on a date tomorrow I will accept it. On the other hand I still love W and I am not a suitable boyfriend/man at this moment in my life. It’s almost like when you fall in love at first but are not together as a couple. You could still talk to others or even date – but the next level just isn’t a possibility.
I hope this makes sense – it’s a little hard for me to explain!
So IMO you can move on and still stand for your M.

But then again, our sitches are different. My W is in an affair with another woman, so all my replies above may not make sense, or maybe they do. Who knows anymore?

Yes they are different in many areas but they also have a lot of similarities if you turn the focus towards us and away from the W.

It seems the W sent my mum a birthday present this week. Now it has me thinking about Xmas presents and/or cards. I was originally going to do nothing for the W family, bot now?????????
Do I view it as still being married (which I am) and do pressies for all, even though they disowned me ( mindreading)?
Or do I go bugger them and do nothing?

It is hard for me to advice you here since I don’t have all the details as you do. That said I properly wouldn’t do presents but you can consider doing a card. In fact I am considering doing a card and if I do I will properly put W, MIL and SIL on the list, but leave out the more distant parts of Ws family.

Whichever I go, I still won't be going to the Xmas lunch, or am I wrong with that as well?
If invited should I go?

Worry about that if/when they invite you!
Take care!
F