I think I can stop this.... can you help me?

[2thepoint]

The distrust has always been there. Baggage from past relationships.

Seems odd that distrust has "always been there." It's not an ideal way to begin a marriage. Although it sounds like you have done what you needed to do to try to remedy the situation, clearly the college prank may have severely damaged your already fragile marriage.

I apologize if I sound judgmental. That is really not my intent. However, if things don't work out, (and they may not) there is a significant learning opportunity here. Do you know what it is?

It's frustrating. I feel like I can't get through to her anymore.

OK, then stop trying to get through to her. It is fruitless at this point, so stop it. I think you mentioned in an earlier post that your wife has said you are controlling. Do you see how "getting through to her" is controlling by its very nature? Think about other areas in your day to day interactions that can also be viewed as controlling. Those are the 180's that really need your attention.

My wife had also said I was controlling. At first I couldn't see it. But after a lot of reflection I realized that even helping her make decisions without her asking was a form of control. She viewed it as me believing she was incapable of making her own decisions. And she resented it, deeply.

Fitz, the best thing you can do is work on you at this point. Dig deep, where you are most vulnerable, make that your focus. Stop trying to get through to your wife. She'll come around if and when she is ready and only on her terms, not yours.

I know the situation really stinks but it is your reality so you need to deal with it. I hope this makes sense.

Hang in there!