I think I can stop this.... can you help me?

[Fitz]

2thepoint, thanks again for your reply, a lot of the stuff that you wrote really hits the nail on the head.

My wife and her mom were very close. It was a tough situation, her mom was only 53 and passed away about 5 weeks after her diagnosis. I was young when I lost my mom too, so I kinda knew how this was really going to affect my wife, the pain an grief that she was going to go through. Not that I knew exactly but I could understand. At that time I did the best that I could do as her husband and best friend. I was her shoulder to cry on. I listened. I talked to her. She would tell me what a great husband I was being and how much she appreciated how supportive and helpful I was while she was going through this. It broke my heart to see her so sad. I would do things at the time, like buy her flowers, plan a night away, spontaneous gifts etc, that at the time I thought would cheer her up. But I realized that regardless of how hard I tried that there was nothing I could do to help her get over the grief. All I could really do was be there for her when she needed me. It has been hard for her.

The distrust has always been there. Baggage from past relationships. There has never been any cheating.

The incident that caused our marital problems happened back in April. I spent the weekend with some old college friends who were in town. We had a great time. When we get together we have fun, and sometimes act like immature college guys, reliving our glory days. We play pranks on each other, and one of my friends thought that it would be funny to give my phone number to an escort service. At the time it was nothing more than a funny joke between friends. Nothing happened. But it was not so funny when my wife went looking through my cell phone bill and googled the phone number. I explained to her what happened. She didn't believe me. I did everything that she asked me to do to prove that I was telling her the truth. I called my friend with her listening in on the other end so she could hear him tell the story. I changed my cell phone number per her request. I let her put a GPS on my cell phone so that she knew exactly where I was at all times. But everything I did wasn't enough. I don't know what else I can do to right that situation?

We have had several big arguments since then, and every time that incident comes up. So I can confidently say that is how I contributed to this mess. The way that the arguments always go, she tells me she wants a divorce, and I pursue and tell her I love her until everything is ok again.

As far as me not being sure that I still want to be in the marriage, that is not the case. I just want all of the problems to stop. I'm trying a different approach here.

It's frustrating. I feel like I can't get through to her anymore.