Now even more so. He looks like he is in his 60's and he is 55. I am 53, and look like I'm in my early 40's. This from many people and even my daughter's sorority sisters.
Even more reason for him to stay with you. On the other hand, he might be making the same observation when he looks in the mirror and it might be part of what's scared him into his MLC.
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Anyway, I just couldn't do to him what he is doing.
If it's any consolation, he's not thinking of this as something he's doing to you. He's in a sort of panic.
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This is the second most painful abandonment I've experienced. My father was the first.
How old were you when your father abandoned you and what happened? Surely you are aware of the common scenario where a daughter in her early teens is abandoned by her father, and then she unwittingly chooses the same type of man to marry, only to be abandoned again?
I say this only because you seem to be giving your H more attention and effort than he deserves, and putting up with more and for a longer time than many women would. Trying to get love from this withholding guy, like your dad might have been. Maybe not your scenario, but I've heard the theory and seen it in real life more than once.
The worst part of it for one woman I knew was that she was very ripe and vulnerable to fall for yet another man who seemed warm at first, but had all kinds of distancing issues. She was so desperate to get back to a loving connected relationship that she didn't give it enough time. They moved in together within only weeks of meeting each other. She swore up and down that this was THE MAN that she had been waiting for all her life. A few weeks later, she called me to say they had broken up and he wasn't answering the phone. She never heard from him again. I told her to go slow, but she couldn't wait. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Not saying you're like that. You seem to be more patient and cautious. But if your situation is anything similar, the advice for you would be to take any new relationship very slowly, and be aware that your instincts for what feels right might not be the best for you.
