The Road Not Taken

[CallaghanClown]

I think she needs more space. Try to stay out of her way as best as possible. Protect yourself and the kids.

[AJM]

whatever you do, do not leave if she demands that you do so

YES! Don't even entertain the thought of leaving.

As you hear these things, you can see/hear the confusion. Everything is contradictory. Every bit of it. (you're better than me; you're a joke. I don't need a man; he fills a hole. I tried to walk away to work on here (why if you're done?) etc. ) This is her inner turmoil and nothing you did or said.

It's hard to watch. Especially up close. Some of it will sting. Some will sting later. It's hurtful spew and it's how she feels at the moment she says it. But as you can see it's all jumbled up. I think you coined the term that it's like watching a dryer full of colorful clothes - very accurate.

Sorry for the funeral and for your loss. But the rest of it? Put it on a shelf and let it go to ground. Keep being you.

Peace,
AJ

[Pudmuddle]

wow jf, she IS seriously trying to push your buttons. She wants to see if the old you will surface, so she can think ha i was right. But she won't see that will she? There is no old you, you have become the new and improved you.

It must be incredibly difficult for you to sit there and take all of that. From what I read you are doing so well. Very well. I can tell the things she is doing, lying around in bed all the time, retail therapy, ie. shopping for herself is the sign of a very depressed, sad person. She is getting her feelings out by spewing at you. Remember it is not you, you just happen to be the person closest to her. Hang in there JF.

[Mtnman]

Hang in there JF! It's all part of the depression.

Whatever you do, don't leave the house. It was the best advice given to me. Your boys are depending on you to be their rock. Home is their sanctuary.

Keep fighting!

[tigerlily78]

Good advice you got this morning. I don't think I can add anything else. Just keep being the new you, he seems like a great guy. W has to just keep processing her own jumbled thoughts and there isn't much you can do, just give her space and take good care of your needs and your sons in the meantime.

[JFun51]

Thanks for the advice and support guys. Nasty day in my world. I went by my father's grave for a few minutes before I went to a funeral. Dad died 6 years ago this week. My unreconciled relationship with him is one of the doors I have to close for myself. After I came home, S13 awful and I raked leaves and played basketball for a while. W has now left by herself to go order S10 new glasses. She was awful dressed up for Walmart. Made the veiled reference to getting things for our Angel tree kids even though I brought home things for that today. I'm afraid she's going to see OM. After her spew and reminding me that she doesn't love me and doesn't intend to love me, her visiting or meeting him wouldn't surprise me. So me and my boys sit here and watch football on TV. I'll fix us something to eat here in a little while. I guess Princess is going to have a night out.

[AJM]

I am sorry for your loss. That's a tough road to walk. But from what I can see, you are a great dad and you can have a different relationship with your own boys. You already are and some of that credit goes to your W. Something to be thankful for in all of this

As for the rest of it? You are on a slippery slope if you start thinking about what she is or is not doing. You may be right, but you also may be wrong.

Like I said, I walked you in your shoes. I wouldn't trade places with my ex for all the tea in China. I know that's hard to see right now, but believe me she is not somebody to be like. If you keep ruminating like that, you'll get there in a hurry.

Be thankful for what you do have right now. I know it's not easy to watch the trainwreck nor to take the BS. But stay the course. You'll be glad you did. Trust me. It's a long road but it is one you are walking and one you can walk. You are able and you are strong enough to do it. And you'll be the great dad and husband you are along the way.

And may you know God's peace tonight.

AJ

[JFun51]

Trying to regroup. I think a higher power is working in my life over the last 2 days. I've been tested to say the least. I've been presented with opportunities to revisit some areas of my life I regret.

There have also been 2 people put in front of me that I have not seen in years.
1-a kid I taught and coached that I haven't seen in 10 years who was so excited to see me he had to have a picture if us together on his phone. He raved to his GF about what he loved about me. I believe that he was put in front of me last night to remind me of the impact I have had on young people over the years.

2-XGF from high school with her hubby and beautiful daughters. I have seen this girl exactly 2 times since we broke up right before I met W in college. I believe she was put in front of me to keep me focused I my goal and everything wonderful I have in my M and my family. This was the last roman I had a R with before W.

I cannot believe those were coincidences. I think God is testing me and guiding me.

[JFun51]

Funny observation for today. It's amazing how our taste in music represents where we are at in our lives. I have been listening to a lot of country music about love along with Christian rock like Lifehouse, Casting Criwns, & Kutless. W's theme song for the entire summer was "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. Here's part of the lyrics:

But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
[Pharrell:] Everybody get up

[Verse 2: Robin Thicke]
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place

MIL bought the CD for W and she played it everywhere we went. I ignored it for the most part until after BD. Heck, my sons even know the lyrics (really nice, BTW). I looked up the lyrics about a month ago and was appalled. Makes perfect sense for a 39 year old elementary school teacher who is a mother if 2 young boys to have this as an anthem. And my wife wonders why at one point I told here she was a walking, talking blueprint for MLC. That was before I got here.

She bought more clothes today. During her rant yesterday morning she did at least admit that her not paying the bills had nothing to do with not loving me. If only she could see through the fog clear enough to make sense of it all.

[Pudmuddle]

I know what you mean about songs. My H is normally a rock, heavy metal type, but started listening to 'Get Lucky', just about made me puke.