How to convince resistant LD wife?

[Ambivalent]

As I see it, an MLC doesn't necessarily mean there was anything very wrong with a marriage. It's my impression that it can also result when a man realizes he probably has no more time left in his marriage, life, or career, than the time he has already been married, lived, or worked. And he realizes that not much has changed in those areas in many years, and he's suddenly panicked when he realizes that he's likely to spend the rest of his marriage, work career and life with no new changes, and he's going to get old and die

You hit it! That was his theme

. Change. Something has to change. Couldn't be specific, but he wants change. @@ I'm so frustrated because he isn't creative.

I have SO many interests. I am high energy and love the outdoors. I play tennis, I can swim, dance, hike, play basketball, even soccer.
Bowling has been part of his life for 8 years...Y A W N . It is not my cup of regular tea, plus the smoke from those who choose to smoke.

He still golfs, which I also find slow. I do LOVE to drive the cart, the landscaping, walking the course, and I could read too.

He tends to lock me into my past. If I reacted one way one time, he sees it as permanent.

I've got to do something -- anything -- even drastic -- to shake things up".

YUP! But rather than turning to me, he is turning everywhere else.

I'm in school, and preparing for a brand new career. There is so much I want to do with him, but he is SO stuck right now.

I figure I'll give it my best for a year, and if he hasn't mad any movement towards growing or me, I have to just let him go.

I have set the example for my daughters that marriage is work. I have shared my compassion for their father. I am bending over backwards including him and considering him. Without any reciprocity.

My self-esteem won't be able to take much more of this.

It was bad enough when I was young and he spent a ton of time on the golf course or traveling for business. I understand the job, and never held it against him. It was his job.

But I am resenting this waste of time. He isn't the only one that feels like time is fleeting and how he is choosing to act out IS very destructive to myself and my two daughters . They are in their twenties, and watching very closely.


You know when I was in my early 40's, an old high
school bf wanted to reconnect. I easily could have had an affair. I chose to make the contact open, so I wouldn't be tempted nor act on anything.

The irony? He had used a prostitute just prior . And was still engaging in emails with her.

In MC-ing after he dropped the bomb, he finally admits he used her. I knew it all along , even when he was lying. I still have the emails.

Now I'm just so sick of everything. I don't like being held at such a distance. I hate how I feel, ostracized. I have Christmas to get through, and I feel so rejected and unloved.

I don't know what more I can do. I battle with my depression and cannot concentrate.

I vacillate between loving and hating him...