A little later I worked out a back up with a woman I have not used yet. I called to tell him she was coming. I started to run through the things he needed to go over with her. He has never prepped a babysitter before. He got really annoyed.
I can see how it was annoying. I could have just left it and called her later to see if she had any questions. Should I apologize later or just leave it?
I think this depends on how things are going with your H. If they are going well, I might apologize. In fact, I did that the other night after I had a weird interaction with my H. But- my H is pretty receptive to having talks about these kinds of things at the moment. If your H isn't, I would just leave it. You will have another chance at this, I am sure - and next time you will allow your H to handle this, because he is a grown man and is perfectly capable of handling a babysitter himself. This has been a big change and perspective shift for me, but I think I have been pretty successful with it - if you don't control your H, it is pretty likely that everything will be JUST FINE. Not everything will be done the way YOU would have done it, but it will be fine. And why should things always be done your way? They shouldn't. You left your H in charge, so leave him in charge. I don't think that you should have called the sitter later, either. Trust your H that he can properly prep the sitter, AND trust the sitter that she knows to call you or H if she has any questions.
Back to your question - one of the reasons I would lean toward leaving it (which is what I almost always do) is because right now, your words probably mean very little to your H. It is more important to just keep working on not being controlling - if you are able to be consistent he will notice.
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That really makes H mad. He says I am a hypocrite because I am saying and doing things that go against things I said or did a few years ago (like practicing forgiveness). I think that is just part of life. I am growing and evolving.
This is just a defense mechanism . . . I have used this one before. My H would say he wants to do X, and I would say, "but 9 years ago you said VERY CLEARLY that you do NOT LIKE X." As though that would change his mind and he would say "ohhhh, right, OK I won't do X." Sometimes when we see changes in our S, it is scary or threatening. So instead of accepting the changes, we try to reject them and blame our S. You become the person you want to be, Julie, and don't worry about what he says/thinks.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
