Moving My Picnic Blanket Over Here

[bustingout]

Willbewell thank you for your post! Yes I did feel bad for H - it helped me to see how much this was not about me as well.

Kate I sensed that too- that in public he acts different and with a MLC mindset it almost seems normal to me.

Heather thank you for your comments. Yes he did kind of pull a Charlie Brown I suppose!

I do have something to ask everyone's opinion on. Today In the aftermath of last night my two best friends were both 'shocked' at how 'cruel' h was towards me last night. I didn't see it as cruel nor was I shocked. I saw it as typical MLC behaviour and not personal to me. They said 'he might as well had hung a banner over his table saying I am not sitting with my friends because my wife is there'

I thought to myself yes he is probably didn't sit with us because of me but that's his own issues. He can't seem to be ok with me in public. This was the first time we have ever been in public together ( not kids related) so in my head it was a significant step in and of itself. It made me wonder if I was seeing everything in MLC eyes and deluding myself.

Another example... We have a boat (bought right after BD - go figure!) anyway I don't drive it but when h is in town we go out on it with the kids. I have always wanted to go out on it at night wit friends. This of course was not possible as he basically comandeered it over the past two years and would never take me out at night on it.

The other day we were chatting and the boat came up and I said i want to go out on it at night once before you go, can tell so and so to come. And he said yes. I thought this was a positive thing. My friend was outraged. She said that she thought it was gross to go on the boat so silly since OW had probably been on it and that even though h said yes it should be him asking me to go.

Did I pursue? I didn't ask him as a date Or to pursue. I said I wanted to and that's it. And I made sure it was with other friends because honestly I don't want to be alone with him right now.

I didn't think of ow being on it because A. I have already dealt with that in m head and moved forwRd from it... She really is not going to prevent me from my own life and my boat! And B. I never thought to wait for him to ask me because he is clearly not in that place.. Nor am I.

Maybe I was caught up in the few plaice steps and the niceness of late? I am not going on the boat. I decided it's best to not be too eager ... I made an excuse that my friend is not in th mood to go out so we are staying in and hope he enjoys a boys night instead. and I still don't trust him anyway. He could still just be beig nice so he can have a happy D with me.

Am I so caught up in MLC thought that I am now not seeing things? Am I giving him too much understanding?

It seems normal to me given all that I have learned. Bu to people outside this sitch - I seem abnormal in my thinking