Last night I went to a charity dinner with my good friends. It's held every year and before BD H also came as we were al couples. Past three years he hasn't come. The friends I go with include his old best buddy and wife.
H came last night ...
So he decided to go after we bought our tickets already so he bought a ticket at separate table - he knew some of the people but they were not his good friends. A seat opened up on our table so his best buddy told him to sit with us. He said it's ok I have a seat.
So last night he was over and left to go get ready. I wen wit my friend and her husband. When we got there coincidently H was at the door waiting for his ticket. So we said hi and we were waiting for his bat buddy to park the car. H get his ticket and went in my friend was shocked..'why wouldn't he wait with us and walk in together? It's so rude, selfish, mean etc'
I shrugged and said is probably hard for him to come I the first place... Th majority of people there know what he has done and will he judging him.
Anyway, we went in and sat and best buddy told h again to come sit with us. He stood around for awhile around our table and then went back to his table.
I am pleased to say that I was strangely not surprised or bothered by his presence. I thought I might have been because I was a bit anxious of being in the same place with him as a separated couple. I had a pretty darn good time.
H didn't stay long... He didn't look like he was having a lot of fun. I do think it must have been hard to walk in there in the first place. I kind felt empathetic for him ( my friend was flabbergasted at how rude she thought he was... She said 'it's like he is making a point of showing everyone how done he is with you!')
I suppose it could be perceived that way. Maybe he was.
Today when came over I decided to take the mind approach and asked if he had fun ( not really) so I just said ' there is always room on the table for you- your friends miss you' and he said ' I know, I miss them too'.
I am curious- when he left last night he also didn't say bye to me although he said bye to the friends at the table. He is much nicer to me in the house than in public!
I danced, I drank, I was dressed up and I laughed. A good night overall!
Busting, I am too lazy on the iPad to quote just what I want, so sorry.
But maybe I can offer a little insight. While h and I are in a slightly different place, he is also different in public and private. We are dating, but it would not seem that way to anyone who saw us in public.
It's almost as if it is one little step at a time and you can't go too fast. So while he is nicer to you at home and with close family, he is not ready for anyone else to see that and possibly misconstrue that he cares at all.
It's like they still need to be in charge of their choices, even if they are not ones we or anyone else agrees with.
I also believe that it is hard for him to go. At the beginning last year, my Hs organization that he does volunteer stuff with has a lot of our now good friends. They mostly were very uncomfortable around h and h felt they were judging him ( they were).
I made a point of being " really good" with H, talking etc. and eventually everyone started to come around. I felt this was instrumental if he were ever to consider being back in my life. That our friends were good with him. So I kept the path smooth as it were.
As for Christmas? Even if h says he will fly, only make plans for you guys. You know how this works, right? Pleasant surprise if he does, business as usual if he doesn't
