Feel like falling down

[willbwell]

I got all worked up about what to do for Tgiving.
h saw kids on Wednesday.
There was no conversation with me.
I did not invite h, and he did not ask.

The kids and I had a nice day although s20 said it was weird. s17 continues to maintain that it does not bother him.

d15 had heard from h early in day. boys not until evening time. I think s20 reached out first.

Wish h could see how this impacts him.

h wants to tell boys about D.
We agree this needs to be done together and after their midterms in Dec.

d15 and I saw nutcracker yesterday. h took boys to lunch.
h was here when we got back.
it was pleasant.
I was surprised to see him here. He stayed while d and I ate some leftovers.

s20 had plans last night. h wanted to take s17 to a movie, but s17 ended up making plans with friends too.
h gets to be alone in his apt.

I asked h what he did T'day. He said nothing. Made me sorry for him.

He has brought all this on, but I feel sorry for him.

we will be together today at sporting event for s17.
Want to get xmas tree up too today.
I asked h about the lights on the exterior of the house.
H seemed bothered by my asking....

I will hire someone to do it.
h put them on last year. I took them down.

I wish I could talk to h.
I wish he would say to me, you know, it sacked being alone on t'day.
I want to tell him about seeing our friends who came in town...
h doesn't keep in touch with them anymore. Friends and family love h and want happiness for our family.h is just so distant.

I still struggle with the question, really? was it so bad being married to me?
it is not me , it is him I know....
so hard to just let go.