Melissa thank you for advice. I realize that I asked the question about 180ing. At the same time I know that I am really in more of a LRT mode at this time. It just feels so counterintuitive (as is mentioned in book)

It is true that I am changing and this sitch has made me look closely at many things in my life. A few weeks ago I said something very similar to what you suggested. He asked why I was suddenly so interested in his job. I said I was always interested and proud of him and I realize now I made him feel like I wasn't. I said hitting rock bottom made me really start to look at our life. He said I wasn't anywhere near rock bottom and that it was coming.

I do realize now that I need to give him what he wants. In his own words "I just want to be happy" "I want to be free. " "I want to be alone. "( not sure where OW fits into that) and "I just want to do whatever I want"

I don't know how much of what is going on with him is the addiction, the A, a MLC. I think it is all bundled up in a very messy and very broken package. What I am starting to realize (although very slowly) is I can't fix this. I can't fix H and therefore I can't fix current M. All I can fix is me.

I have been reading a lot if tiny buddah articles about letting go. I am trying. I am not letting go of hope though. Hence the reason I am still on this site.

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15