NEW LIFE / NEW ME - AIRBORNE II

[melissag]

I often read a post from a LBS express concern the WAS might think interest has been lost. However, I have never read where the LBS began pursuing the WAS just in the nick of time (to show they were still interested). No offense to the previous poster, but why do LBS fear the WAS will think they've lost interest? When in fact, detaching is (in part) to imply disinterest. And, unless human nature has changed a lot, it use to be the very thing that would motivate a woman to flirt with a man......in order to stir his interest in her. If he responds too quickly, or over kills showing just how interested he is.......she often loses hers. Yes, it is a game between the sexes. But IMO, most people will play into it at some point in their lifetime.

Sandi, I think this is a common fear among LBSs whose S left because they felt unappreciated, unloved, what have you. My H told me he actually thought I would be happy if he left - that is how deeply unwanted/unloved he felt. So it can feel, to an LBS like me, that if we act disinterested, we will simply be proving the WAS right, and it will help solidify his/her decision.

Every sitch is different, but I will say with my H, that he responds to a good mix of disinterest (or giving space, however you want to characterize that) and feeling wanted/loved/respected. Even though I think it should be pretty clear that I love him and want him, I think he is so scarred by how rejected he felt before that he is still not 100% confident in how I feel. So to only be mysterious and distant, I think, would be the wrong way to go for me.

I agree with you on the power dynamic - but think about that woman who lost interest in the guy who showed too much interest. She is probably just as likely to lose interest if the guy shows no interest in her. For fear of wasted effort, or just plain rejection. So what I'm trying to say is - it's a balance. Too little interest, IMO, is just as bad as too much. But there needs to be SOME, at some point, if there is to be an R. Right?

But see, I also don't see how fully detaching is a good thing for any M, so I am just a rogue DBer, and my advice should be taken with a salt lick.