I often read a post from a LBS express concern the WAS might think interest has been lost. However, I have never read where the LBS began pursuing the WAS just in the nick of time (to show they were still interested). No offense to the previous poster, but why do LBS fear the WAS will think they've lost interest? When in fact, detaching is (in part) to imply disinterest. And, unless human nature has changed a lot, it use to be the very thing that would motivate a woman to flirt with a man......in order to stir his interest in her. If he responds too quickly, or over kills showing just how interested he is.......she often loses hers. Yes, it is a game between the sexes. But IMO, most people will play into it at some point in their lifetime.
With a separated couple, it can be like walking a thin line. A lot of men do not seem to know how to detach without acting cold to the woman. F, I have read several of your posts where you mention that your actions (whenever with your W) could be seen by her as coldness. You have a difficult time maintaining eye contact (which can be very misunderstood by the other person) and you interact very little when she is "visiting".....and you show the children most of your attention. Now if I had not kept up with your stitch I may think you were keeping this interaction (or lack of it) very balanced. But what I've seen is you withdrawing a bit too much lately.
You have admitted that you aren't anxious to be around her b/c you want more time to work on yourself. But you won't look her in the eyes, and you aren't talking unless it is about the kids. In the beginning of the separation, not giving a lot of conversation was good. And I remember how much you wanted to take over those conversations when you first started posting.
I have talked to you about the importance of eye contact, so I will not repeat it. Just work more on it.
I think you can try contributing a little bit more conversation at this time. Can you do it without making it sound like you want to know all about her? In other words, try talking about something other than the kids.......and not asking her questions about what she has been doing/feeling/etc. As if you are being more friendly with the nosey neighbor, or maybe a coworker. That is how you slowly ease a baby-step in her direction without giving her the cake she really wants right now.
She is missing having you giving her emotional support/caring/interest and is finally realizing this separation isn't at all like she thought it would be. So, show her a little charm without giving her the pleasure of telling you all about herself. Does that make sense? Do this in person and when you are actually speaking (I wouldn't worry with the email and texts right now). If it goes well, you can continue and/or add a tiny bit more the next time. But don't pursue her yet. Your plan should be to simply produce a little more conversation about general things. Nothing personal.
If she invites you, or hints at doing something with the kids........you can accept or give her a counter offer. In other words, you are not ready to show up with her at a friend's party, should she ask. But you could be ready with a good response and give another suggestion. Make sense? This way, you feel more in control and she souldn't feel pursued.
I hope you understand and won't be confused by any of what I have said. I just don't want you to run away from her and I don't want her to misinterpret your actions as rudeness. I want you to be very self confident. Do you understand, or does it sound like I am contradicting myself?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
