Accepting the Confusion - It is what it is Part 5

[tigerlily78]

It sounds like he is still in a place where he thinks YOU are the barrier to "working things out." Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like *if* he is serious about the affairs being in the past and wants to move forward, then it is a process you BOTH have to sit down and deliberately work at. It is entirely possible he isn't there yet based on the mood swings.

"Starting fresh" doesn't reasonably happen because everyone just sweeps the old problems under the rug and calls it a new day. I think you need to explain to him that you have worries that you could get right back into that place that led to the infidelity, and even though you don't want to dwell on the infidelity itself, it is important for you to understand the factors that led to it and what has to change in your marriage to keep it from happening again. Individual and couples counseling is a good tool for that, as well as some books and exercises you can do on your own.

But again, that is a process that has to be undertaken by two willing participants. If he sees no reason to change or try, he won't. And I know this is VERY frustrating. My H and I touched on this a little today. That he thinks he can only be happy with someone who excepts no "change" from him.