WORKING TOWARD CONNECTING WORKING ON ME

[Ambivalent]

Job,

You ARE correct. She is everything you mentioned.

Let me see if I can be brief here. I worked my ass off with this child. I stopped and allowed my H. to be the bad guy from her Junior year on. Rather than teaching her that her behavior was and still is self-centered, he enabled or even engaged (yelling at her)with her.

To this day, he still enables her behavior.

I felt trapped at that exact moment, because she is also brilliant as well as manipulative. She knows he will take her side and defend her. So you see, I did not want to engage, for fear of causing a bad memory and him thinking " more of the same ".

Perhaps next time , rather than addressing her oblivious behavior in front of everyone, I'll just ignore it and walk away.

Last night the only thing I could think of was to keep my mouth shut. By ignoring her and allowing her to " time herself out ", I believe it was the best for the extremely volatile situation.

She is also 7 years socio-emotionally immature. She has a ton of issues, OCD, depression, morbidly obese by at least 100 lbs.

She was one of the reasons I was always exhausted in our marriage. She sucked the life out of me, and then my other D. had a physical health issue and an anxiety/depression issue.

It made having a sexual relationship with my H. or actually any romantic relationship , VERY difficult.

When one deals with this narcissistic and manipulative behavior, it is a challenge. She is almost 27 and she is an adult.

I have let go, but my H. still chooses to bail her out and not address her socio/emotional skills.

At present, I am not touching it with a ten foot pole. IF and this is a big IF , we reconcile...that will have to be something we become more of a team on.

Right now it could be a real issue that would create more of a wedge.

My daughter is very aware of this between us, and I will NOT engage her about this nor give her ANY power to come between us.

I did discuss this with my younger daughter, and her perception was just as yours. I do have to tread carefully, for I do not want to come between them either. Three females is a very very difficult dynamic. Add that one is the mom, and you get a challenge in and of itself. Throw in all their issues?

Can you say " RUN, run awaaaaaaay ! " ?

I'm still feeling anxious about the scene, last night. This is where I believe I need to really work on myself.

I try to create a less stressful environment so my anxieties don't control me.

S-ingTTFU, was a 180 for me last night. It was the first step in what I believe I need to do, for the relationship between us, and improving dynamics in my R. with my H.

He does see her behavior better now, but how he does not deal with it is something that needs to be improved upon.

Thank you for your support. I could be on another BB just for the relationship between my daughter and the family!

Funny, that you said one down, for that was going to be MY closing!

I am getting a wee bit stronger, and I believe I can do this as well. Albeit, with the exams and job pressure, I am feeling the same amount of stress I felt when my oldest was younger and at home.

If my eye starts to twitch, I'll go back to the doctor. (:-o

I hope your day was pleasant yesterday. I know you vets here do not get paid. You give a great deal of your time to people you don't know. I want YOU to know you are appreciated.

This is a time consuming volunteer job. It is a gift that this one person appreciates and values.

Thank you <3