Thread #4- The pivot I hoped wouldn't come

[Positivespin]

Sooooooooooo.........
Ive been working on my appearance a lot. I've been doing far too much retail therapy.
Then I went on the cruise
I met the woman of my dreams on said cruise
42 never married, no kids, intelligent,successful, fun, confident........
And she hit on me-asked me to dinner dinner lasted four hours followed by closing down the club.....I said goodnight and went to my cabin-alone :-)

Next day I think she went out of her way to see me at the gym-then we spent the day together

It went on like this for five days

That's when I became an idiot-last Friday night while innocently watching a movie with her...I fell in love

Tool!!!!!!!! Time for the 2x4s folks

She lives 45 min north of Montreal (ruby) and 6 hr drive from here

So on sat, at a chilies in Miami airport we spent 3 hours saying goodbye-she teared up

I hop on my plane back to Boston and I'm surrounded by 9 french speaking folks from-of course-montreal

So I start thinking about how this could continue and on the next night I call her to discuss this plan -no answer

Next day she texts me - a local guy she had just met before the cruise surprised her at the airport. She can't invite me up because shed like to give him a try.

Was I used like a piece of meat?????

So why am I disclosing all this on this site? I should not have gotten on that boat. My emotional /love fuel tank was so empty that any attention on me would have been magnified in my mind - but then to have THIS amazing woman show the interest that she did was just to much. I lost complete control.

I have now had my heart stomped on twice in 11 months. Here is the learning piece.....this last one should never have impacted me as much as it does ( I caught myself crying a few times today)but because I'm so emotionally needy right now it feels as bad as the bomb.

These are my first winter holidays alone and its tough on us all. All those memories that were trashed and destroyed. It makes me yearn for love. The closeness, the opening of a bottle of wine together, after the family leaves. The touches and glances. ARGH!!!!!!!

I keep replaying southern cross in my head . For five days someone strong did come along to help me forget loving my wife-and now I'm worse off for it.

.....and I cooked a turkey:-)