Fog City Coaster continues

[2ndtimearoundCA]

In my previous post I left out that I contacted her to ask if we were still on because I hadn't heard from her. That's when she said she had been working with her boss all day and lost track of everything else and that she was sorry and asked if she could give me the raincheck.

Anyway, she responded to my last text about the restaurant suggestion with a simple "yes".

So now is it up to me to come up with a time? What can I do differently?

Geez, why not make a real request?

Like INVITE her AND the kids to the dang Nutcracker. Take your kids and a friend if your wife declines. Do not invest in your w's reaction. Do not put great weight on her response and keep it light. You never made it happen before but now you are.

If she declines and you go, that's GREAT and it's JUST FINE...talk about a 180. YOU doing something without her...!!! It's all good!

Oh, but you have to go and enjoy it, AND take your kids as if they matter a lot too. It's a classic Christmas event your kids may not realize but they WILL get something out of it. My kids never regret going to the theater or seeing live performances. Too powerful to ignore or blow off.

If need be, Make it a dinner thing too, so they go somewhere they love as well as seeing the Nutcracker.

Come on, you can get this. Stop staring at your feet dawdling & wondering like a boy in high school asking her to the prom...

make a choice and if it's wrong, then learn from it and don't repeat it and then DROP it.

But this NON decision making and all the reasons you find to "give her space" (which all equate to making little effort on your end) is not getting you anywhere...i can't say it's working...

but then you jam so much meaning into such little visible effort from you--the texts with odd endings that do not really say anything. All superficial. I don't think you have a problem being too light with her...on the contrary.

I don't think it's fair to you or her to keep things so UNsaid.

Be braver.

The worst that can happen is that she ends it finally, for some reason OR more of what is happening now, which is you dangle and make no progress...

I think by doing nothing and having nothing finalized, you are telling yourself there is still hope b/c there is no visible movement, although there is also no visible anything...

But merely having no movement does not mean there is hope.

I think IF there is a chance for you two, she must imagine a different kind of marriage. In other words,

your wife has to see differences in Your behavior.

I don't see any. Do you?

I don't see progress, but my gut says right now that w is pulling back and I need to give her space. Maybe that is the easy way out and I need to be brave. But I think I need to trust my gut on some level.

Had w followed thru and taken me to drinks, I think the nutcracker invite would have been a great chance to take.

I have been brave in the past. Recall the Vegas invite. She said yes and canceled at the last minute. There was a window open at that time and I took a chance. I will take more chances but I need to strike when the iron is hot.

When I suggested the weekend to get together (see two posts back), she first said that she is working and then when I pushed it she said she was going to home town. That interaction felt odd to me. Whatever is going on with her, I cannot get in the way.

Today I sent a simple happy thanksgiving text and have not gotten a response (I don't know for sure that she got it or that I would receive a response even if she sent one because reception is horrible where I am. But Most likely she did get it and did not respond.) Nonetheless, she will reach out to me if she wants contact with me at this point.

I will ask her to see the nutcracker if she follows thru with the drinks invite or makes some other friendly contact. If she doesn't, that means to me that she needs some space for a while. I think she will reach out again, but possibly not until after the holidays.

If she has an OM in her home town, I may be losing her for good. But I don't think pursuing her will help me. If anything I think it will hurt. I think that even possibly my happy thanksgiving text may have been a bad idea.

If she is just going to spend time with friends and family and working in all her spare time then I am not totally sure the best plan of action, but I think that she would at least say happy thanksgiving back to me or even just on her own if she wasn't taking space from me.

I think I need to focus on how to act if she does make contact. I definitely need to change things up and figure out how to be different.

And I need to make some long term goals for me.