Look what the cat dragged in! (TL)

[Ambivalent]

Pud,

That is exactly what it is about! Also your observation is spot on the DB/DR way. Our attitude plays a huge role.

Whether we engage or not when they have a tantrum is also a major factor of how or if we will reconnect.

In the back of my mind, I keep hearing..." Does this bring me closer or push me farther from my goal or the person in front of me? "

When he's present I try to focus on the PMA, when I need to detach I focus on what I want different from a future relationship.

I try and do what I do with my oldest daughter...she is who she is and I no longer need to engage. I can just listen and validate.

I am expecting a withdrawal after today, and my plan is to keep silent until maybe the 3rd or 4th, then discuss Christmas budgeting.

Unless of course he needs the SUV.

Tiger,

You are doing fantastic with the boundaries! Your sense of humor will take you all the way through this. Affirmation, admiration , and respect. AAR. This is what I try and remember when engaging with the Experimenter. He feels like he has failed and I'm not letting someone who doesn't know his past build up more than I can.

I am not going to be a reminder of where he failed, I am going to affirm he once made an awesome choice in me! That I see what is still in there somewhere and I appreciate that person.

We shall all overcome!

Happy Thanksgiving