Surviving Infidelity

[2chiquitos]

I got teary-eyed when I saw you lovely ladies posts! I miss you guys so much!! I hope you are going to have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! PULL OUT THE CHAMPAGNE!!! We have so much to be thankful for!

This year I decided I am not going to my mother in law's or anyone else's house for the holidays. I am spending it at home with my kids and H. Tomorrow at noon my mom, bro and SIL and their little bitty butterball baby are coming over. For dinner, H n I are taking the kids to eat Chinese! I live in an Asian community so there are a ton of restaurants open on the holidays! I am so excited. This will be the first Thanksgiving EVER! that I don't dread!

I am looking forward and trying not to look back however I had a violent episode a couple days ago...

I have a serious fear of the gym. I don't want to go because it reminds me of the affair for many reasons. I have recently built up the courage to go to one because the layout is different from all the other one's and I have good memories of this particular gym. I was planning on going and dropping of D2 at their Kids Klub while S5 is at school. Well H said that we don't have KK at that gym for x n y reason. I felt the fear coming back. He kept asking me what's wrong and since the kids were with us in the kitchen I told him I didn't want to talk about it. He kept insisting...

I said, that means I have to go the other gym that I've been avoiding. H said, what's the problem? I said, I don't want to talk about it. He could tell I was getting choked up and continued asking. I told him I don't want to go because it reminds me of the affair. Then he said, (OW) never went to THAT gym. And that's when I relived BD. I fell to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.

He told me to stop because the kids were freaking out. I tried but I couldn't stop. It was like a door opened up and a wave of hurtful emotions took over. He picked me up and took me to the bedroom and closed the door cuz I couldn't walk. I was reacting almost EXACTLY to how I reacted the first time it hit me he had left me for someone else. The only difference was I was able to stop crying sooner this time than 2 1/2 yrs ago.

Once I had recollected myself, I went to my kids and hugged them. They were so scared. When it happened S5 was hitting H and all day was asking me if I was still sad. He kept hugging me and kissing me. I comforted him and told him that I was much better and that I cried because I was sad. When he would ask me why I was sad I told him that I felt the same way he felt when he didn't want to come home from a play date.

It took me a full day to fully recover. The rest of the day I stayed home and did absolutely nothing. Next day I woke up and told myself I was going to move on from this and see it as a sign of growth.

It was difficult on us and H n I haven't talked about it...yet. I heard him sniffling which I assumed was him crying but that's it. It's true when people say that recovering from infidelity is 2 steps forward 1 step back.