What you should do depends on what you want to do. It seems like you are not sure. Take a couple of weeks and think about it. See her if you want to. If you don't, it's OK to tell her it hurts too much and you need some time to think. But either way, do NOT talk about the R. In fact, if I were you, I would follow the 37 rules regardless, because (a) they are to help YOU; and (b) if, after some thought, you decide you want to stand for your marriage, you will have already started. Everyone has to figure out for themselves how to handle the details - the holidays, etc. Don't plan too far ahead - just take one day at a time and see how you feel. If you see her and it's just too much for you, then don't see her for a while. But whatever you do, don't bring up your M, don't fight with her, and don't threaten that you will file for D.
IMO, if she is saying she wants to move out, but doesn't want D, then she is confused. I think she has already told you she needs space to figure out what is going on in her head. So you have two choices. You can give it to her kindly, or you can throw a tantrum. I know it's human instinct to throw a tantrum, but regardless of the outcome of all this, it won't do anyone any good. So whatever you do, just be sure you are handling yourself with dignity. If you decide you do want to stand, then sure, go hang out with her. Enjoy your positive interactions. But follow the 37 rules - biggest one being don't whine to her and don't bring up the M or the future.
The other thing you need, need, need to do, regardless, is GAL. Do NOT sit at home and wallow in your misery. Do not isolate yourself from others. I know it is REALLY hard to go out and do things when you are miserable, but do it anyway. It will get easier, and you will feel better. (Yes, it's all relative, but better is better, right?) Make sure you exercise. Endorphins are huge. Hang out with your friends. Post on here. Don't sit around constantly thinking about her and what she's doing and thinking.
After a little while of GALing, and just with the passage of time. you will start to calm down a little and be able to see more clearly and figure out how you feel and where you want to go from here. I think you are smart not to make any big decisions right now. Give it some time.
Hang in there!!
Very nice post and great advice!!!
D, remember it is a choice to fight for your M and it is not quick or easy.
I think you are seeing some light with not pushing the D. If you want to save the M it will take lots of patience and doing some things that don't feel quite right.
Time, space and patience.
You work on you, focus on you, be the person you want to be.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
