S10 and I had a great morning but when I went to my first meeting today I had to tell a very dear friend that his business is a mess – we talked for hours about what to do but haven’t come up with a solution. I will keep on helping him. After this talk I realized how different I am acting in situations like this. I feel I am more caring and compassionate in my angle. Prior to all of this I would have been businesslike, calculating and while still helping I didn’t come out as supporting. I did today! I comforted a friend in need in the best of manner. Realizing this makes me feel good about me. He thanked me many times this evening, not for my advice but for caring and supporting.
HYPNOSIS After this I went through hypnosis. It was a two hour parts-hypnosis and a truly crazy experience. I didn’t believe in things like this and would never have gone before BD but I am so glad I did although I was still very skeptical. He pulled me through a lot. I found myself smiling, I cried a lot, I saw the monsters within me and even named them. In fact there is three. He asked me to make them step forward one by one and we talked with and to them. He asked what we should call them and the words just flew out my mouth: interrupter, egoist and monster. I saw this monster in the eyes. I pictured it and I felt so frightened by it. At the end he asked them to step forward once more and this really scary thing that made me cry when I saw it the first time was now just a single head on a beach – almost made me laugh. Well I can’t explain – simply crazy but also recommendable. Now I am curious if this will change anything but it made me aware and that alone great! If I am able to handle these things within me this one session is better spend than all the shrink sessions together. I look forward to talking to my shrink about this in two weeks.
W AND Ds FOR DINNER Meet up with W was the best so far! They arrived around 18:45 and the Ds just came running in and fell over me. I sat down on the floor and talked a lot with them while fooling around. D4 was wearing her new glasses and she was proud W just stood and looked for a while but I chose to focus on the Ds and the new glasses so no hug for W.
I had the soup and asked D6 to help set the table and light some candles as I usually do. D6 cried when we sat down since D4 was placed in between me and W. W started arguing with her but suddenly a break occurred and it seemed normal for me to say something and instead of arguing about the choice of seat I sat down and asked D6 why she was sad. She explained and I simply validated her. Then I suggested that D4 and D6 could switch places half way in to the meal. I don’t know where that came from but suddenly everything was good again. Prior to BD I would have taken the argument but for what?
Dinner was nice. Strictly talk about Ds.
Afterward I found some music with D6 and W started making coffee as if she was at home – half way in she asked if it was all right. Afterwards she also did the dishes.
D6 wanted to play a game on the computer and while she did that W, D4 and I went through the Christmas-deco. I had decided that I wouldn’t make anything out of this but since W only took things she had prior to us meeting up that was very easy – took less than 5 min. I let her walk around the house and pick the things herself.
I played a lot with the children, fooled around on the floor and was able to enjoy them and the time together. W being here didn’t interfere or interrupt me but we didn’t interact that much together with the children. I looked at her a few times and she just looked like a bystander.
W carried D4 to the car and I D6. I sat D6 in the car and talked with her for quite some time while W was waiting right behind me. When I turned around she reached for a hug and thanked me for a nice evening. D4 started crying – she wanted to stay here.
They left 20:10
I might still come out a little reserved as I still ask her nothing about her, but today I feel I was the kind neighbor and an excellent father without pretending or going somewhere I don’t want to be. W doesn’t ask about my life as well. Awkwardness was gone after 10 seconds and it didn’t return!
I feel good about this meet up but still I also feel like withdrawing a little now. I will see her again on Friday.
I took some pictures at D4 with her new glasses on and when W left I posted it on Facebook. Got a bunch of likes and among them one from W, W niece and another family member of Ws
LIKE FROM SIL The biggest surprise today was my own SIL liking another post I did on FB about my Movember. I haven’t spoken to her for more than half a year and then she suddenly does this. I think that’s what’s called a baby-step but the problem is that I don’t feel like R.
Spend the rest of the evening with my friend in trouble going over his numbers. It doesn’t look good and I feel so sorry for him.
End of a crazy, emotional and truly self-expanding day. WHAT A DAY!
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
