Wife says she wants to leave

[Accuray]

Look, you can twist yourself in knots with the "alpha/beta" stuff, and at the end of the day, if it's not "who you are", then you're really not living your life with integrity.

It's something to be aware of, it's something to be educated about. It can give you pitfalls to avoid, but unfortunately for too many LBS's it sets you on a path of trying to remake yourself into a romance novel cover model, and that's just adding more self-torture in a scenario when you are tortured enough.

The other piece of this is what's called a "fitness test" -- that's where your wife fears that you lack backbone, so will push you and act out to provoke you to stand up for yourself. In that case, doing what they ask you for, or appeasing them, is actually losing, and what they're looking for you to do is stand up for yourself and push back.

The Dean's List and the birthday examples above both come across as possible fitness test issues to me, because her expectations seem fairly childish, and your behavior seems like it was reasonable.

The worst thing you can do is to appear to be twisting yourself in knots to please a WAW. It repels them, it does not draw them in.

If she's actively involved with OM, then in my opinion, do not buy her a gift. Don't tolerate her affair. I think that in standing up for yourself in this way, you're actually demonstrating independence which is more attractive than giving her a gift would be.

If you're in a committed relationship with me, we will exchange meaningful gifts. If you're not in a committed relationship with me, then we won't. I don't see the issue with that.

Acc