My problem is: My wife doesn't want to spend any time with me. In this married life, I'm spending all my evenings alone, mostly bored in front of the tv. Where is my wife then? She's not working, drinking, or out with friends. She's in bed, beside our son. She's not ill, or disabled or anything. She just prefers it this way. It seems she's not interested in me anymore.
We've been together for 18 years; living together for 13 years. 3 years ago we married. This didn't change much in our relationship, which was generally good. But then, my wife wanted to start a family. I dreaded the idea, but went along with it, because she wanted it so badly. Well, now that we have a 2-year old son, this turned out to be worse than I feared. Our relationship is totally over.
There's nothing wrong with our son; he's healthy, sweet and pretty smart. But my wife can't relax. During the daytime, life is extremely stressful in this home; she's all the time busy with him, and demanding my help in this all the time. There's no time for 'us'. And in the evening, when he's in bed, she is too. His cot is beside her bed in (what used to be) our bedroom. She always goes to sleep beside him, at the same time as him - around 9pm. Also during daytime naps she goes to bed beside him. I sleep in another room.
She works 2 days a week, and admittedly on those days she needs to get up early. But not on the other days. I've often asked why she doesn't want to spend evenings with me. The reply is always something like "she's just so tired now". She also says that in the morning she wakes up inevitably when our son wakes up, which is often quite early (though not always). So I've proposed that I would sleep beside him for a while, so she can sleep well. She won't have it. She also often complains "last night I lay awake for so many hours" - apparently that happens even when the boy sleeps soundly through the night. Well obviously she doesn't sleep all the time while she's in bed, because nobody needs that much sleep! So I suggest that, if she'd just stay up until she's really tired, I'm sure she would sleep well. But no, she won't have any of that. It seems she's just making up excuses to get away from me and to be with him.
As you might imagine, there's also no sex whatsoever. Last year, I proposed it a few times and we tried it (in my bed). But it was just a rushed on-and-off before she sped back to her own room. Not very enjoyable. So I don't bother suggesting it anymore.
Everything suggests that she's not interested in my company anymore, and the only reason she hasn't thrown me out of the house yet is that she needs my help in taking care of our boy. I'm not a husband, I'm a servant.
I can't even talk with her about this subject anymore, because every time I bring it up, she gets upset and starts crying, that "I should be more considerate of how hard it is for her" and stuff. And of course, then it's my fault that she doesn't sleep the next night.
I often consider leaving. But I don't really want to lose her; I love her! But on the other hand, I feel like I've lost her already! What I really want is to get her back. But what can I do?
