Back....again.

[Lll54]

You are 100% correct. He is acting very much like mid life crisis victim. I feel like it still stems from our accidental pregnancy when he was 21 and having to give up professional hockey which he most likely would have taken to the NHL. He goes through these same symptoms every 5 yrs. he is happy...then he is sad and hates his life. Then realizes what he has and wants it back then happy for another 5 yrs then sad again. It's. Never ending.

I know there is nothing I can do to fix it so I'm just gonna keep going. Last night after our terrible conversation i felt sick and was ready to not go through with my day today and stay home and be sad. But I refused this morning and made myself get up and go. Is my stomach in knots? Yes. Can I eat lunch? No. But at least I'm not at home crying all day.

I'm not gonna bring up R anymore and just give him his space. As I wrote this I am at home for my lunch hour and H showed up. He knows I'm here between 12-1. So if he was soooo annoyed and didn't want to be around me then why is he showing up at home knowing full well I'm here.

So confused. He even leaned in for a kiss.
I understand letting him figure it out on his own. It's just hard to be so useless and sit back and hope for the best. But I'll do it. I'll just keep on going. I was "faking" my happy mood this morning and it definitely seems to confuse him.