RealityTrip is back from her voyage into "Me" Land

[RealityTrip]

(((melissag))) I just posted to your thread.

I am a newcomer and hoping for some advice. How do you deal with mixed signals?

My husband speaks a lot of 'future' talk. What we will do this summer, buying things for the home, etc.

At the same time, he's having an affair and when asked, says he doesn't love me like a husband should and doesn't know if he can do this any longer.

We go out with friends and have a great time, like everything is normal...but then he pulls away.

Crazy rollercoaster!! What does he want?

Hi Bluesgal, Thanks for stopping by. First, I attempted to check out your thread but you haven't started one. You don't have to, but I recommend it. There is so much about you and your marriage... your story for you to tell us when you are ready. It helps us as your friends to support you in the best way we can.

In my sitch... my W gave mixed signals daily. She did the same as your H, bought things for the home, hung pictures, spent time with family and friends as a married couple even after disclosure and BD, all the while maintaining her A semi-openly. She was/is a cake-eater. No doubt. But why she did it? I can't answer that. I can't mind read or make assumptions. They lead to expectations and certain dissapointment.

The fastest way off the rollercoaster (not out of my marriage... but to calm myself) was simply not riding anymore. I got off. I stopped asking myself what my W wanted and started asking myself what I wanted. I stopped trying to decipher her motives and means. Although I did enjoy for a while watching her A implode from the outside as a spectator ... that was a wild ride that I got through with some great friends here! (shout out to Spin, Ruby, Wonka, NGrace, Bug, InIt, Val and so many more!!!)

But my point is... I'm more concerned with what you want? He can figure himself out. That's his job. Not yours. But I will tell you, mixed signals are confusion. He is confused and only he can work that out. Don't drive yoruself crazy on his actions or lack thereof. Get your GAL on! Take super, gentle care of yourself. Read DB and DR and live the rules while he is active in the A to protect yourself! You come first.