Summary: - BD was not quite 18 months ago - Separated 14 months ago (W renting house 5 minutes away) - 50-50 custody of kids - W said about 5 months ago she wants to proceed with divorce. She said her lawyer filed the petition, but I've never received notification so I don't believe it was ever filed. - About 4 months ago W was diagnosed with breast cancer, so the D went on hold. She underwent radiation treatments but elected not to have chemo. Her treatments were completed about 2 months ago. - There is a much younger OM (mid-30's) who was actively involved with W, including going along with activities with our kids. Based on some snooping it seems clear that W has a crush on him, but I don't know if it's a PA or EA or if it goes both ways or not. It seems to have "cooled off" in the last couple of months, they're still in touch but he's not around as much from what the kids tell me.
Update- I contacted W yesterday and asked her what the status of the D was since I haven't heard anything for over a month. She said she submitted the revised paperwork and some questions to her L late last week and is supposed to meet with them, but hasn't heard back from them regarding a date for the meeting. I sent her the following response:
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Thanks for the divorce info. I do want to tell you one thing in that regard, at this point I don't feel strongly about working on things but I would consider it for the kids' sake. This is really tearing them up, much more than you know because they don't talk to you about it. And you never went through it yourself, so you don't know how devastating it is. But once this divorce is final, that door closes forever. I will never consider reconciling after that. So make absolutely sure this is what you want before you file.
I wouldn't say it was the "right" thing to say from a DB'ing perspective, but I have been thinking about this for months and it is how I feel, and I wanted to inform W in writing. I am not real fired up about reconciling even before D, but if the D proceeds then I will close that chapter and be done with it. I fully expect not to get a response at all and I am sure I'll see the D paperwork soon. And that's OK. I said what I wanted to say and don't feel anything more needs to be said by me.
D19 is driving in from college probably as I write this. Once she gets here I'm taking the kids to Houston to my mom's for Thanksgiving. My brother (without his kids) and sister (with her family) will be there as well, so it should be a fun time! My mom has 20 acres and a big house, a 4 wheeler that the kids love to ride and a barn that we fly R/C helicopters in. And she always puts out a huge spread of food, she lives for this stuff
Just got a raise and bonus at work too, so that was great news Unfortunately the bonus will almost all go to paying my property taxes, but it would have really crunched my budget if not for the bonus so it's very welcome.
Specialk posted this in my last thread but I couldn't reply because it was locked:
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Seeing that book would have surprised me too! Have you noticed a change in your W's behavior recently?
If anything she's gotten more cold and distant lately. It seemed like she was warming up ever so slightly a month or so ago, but that was short-lived. Who knows what the deal was with the book (for those that didn't read it in the last thread, I saw a copy of "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" on her nightstand when I was picking up the dogs at her house), for all I know someone bought it for her and she just stuck it there without ever cracking it. Or maybe she's reading it so she can improve her R with OM, LOL! I'm not reading anything into it, especially in light of the news that she's pushing forward with D.
