I guess I didn't realize that I had stopped being the captain in the relationship. I pay the bills, I take care of the house, and all matters pertaining to fixing/yardwork/projects, etc.
But when I begin to think about some of the things she has mentioned, I can see that most of the time i just tried to make her happy. I let her make a lot of the decisions on things, and kind of went along for the ride. I need to step up and be the man. I need to be the leader.
Another tricky area that i'm trying to navigate, or would like advice on how to navigate is upcoming holidays, and gift giving.
One of her complaints is that I didn't give enough importance to "special" events.
For example. She recieved a letter from college that said she had made the deans list. I found it and set it out on the counter so that she would see it for herself. I thought she would be excited to tell me about it. Instead she didnt find the letter for a few weeks. By that time I had forgotten about it. She then blamed me for not recognizing this as an important event and not making a bigger deal out of it.
I tried explaining that I had wanted her to find the letter and come to me. I bet you know how well that worked out.
another example. Her birthday. I had built her a brand new $1000.00 computer for her birthday. She needed one for school, and i told her i would build her one that would last a long time. She was very greatful, i told her that this was going to be her birthday gift, because we don't have a lot of extra money to be throwing around. She agreed and we both bought eachother very small gifts for our birthdays. But now, she says... you didn't take my birthday seriously. You could have shown me it was a lot more important to you...
I have read on here where i should NOT buy her a gift (christmas) and should NOT make a big deal. But i feel like it would be the same old thing for me. I feel like i need to show her that these events ARE important to me.
Any suggestions?
I'm trying to stay away from the day to day battles, but some of this information she is giving me seems valuable, in at least knowing how I have made her feel unimportant.
