I just finished my first semester of school. Rocked the A's. And I am in a really good place. I took some time away from the forum to focus on myself instead of my sitch. It has been really good for me. I have a clarity and am excited about MY future more than I have been in a very long time.
My sitch has evolved. My W came home about a few weeks ago after a lot of talking. She left her AP and moved back in with her brother for a short while as a transistion before coming home. I thought it was best and so did she. But alas, she is home. She had some travel for work here and there but she is now home.
The second day she was here she she made a point to sit me down and tell me that she "was here for the right reasons.. to see if we can repair our marriage." She also told me that I could have access to her phone anytime I wanted to look and that she would give me all of her accounts and their passwords if I wanted them. I thanked her for that, but I also told her that I didn't want them. That experience had taught me that if she was going to have contact with AP, she was going to have contact and it's out of my control. I told her that if she says she's NC, then I will just trust that. Oy! That was hard to do... gotta admit. But I felt I needed to show her that I was strong enough and commited enough to give her a second chance to be trustworthy. After all, it's not me who decides if she a trustworthy person... only she can decide her character. I however, am cautious, ready for the rocky road that comes with attempting reconciliation. And definitely ready for the impending contact, pleading and manipulation from the AP that is sure to come from the "other woman" scorned. (remember, this woman was my friend of many years, and if there's one thing I know about her, it's that she will contact... eventually) But that is also not within my control. That lies squarely on the shoulders of my W. If her attempt at R is genuine, she will eliminate that threat. I am watching. Actions.
On Monday I came home from work and my W asked me about support groups. She knows I have one, (love my DB family) and said she is ready to talk and asked for my help. She also said she was ready for IC. Super yay! Healing herself should be her primary focus. I gave her a list of online resources that I have come to know over the past two years... leaving out DB of course, I don't think it's best that we share the same support network. At least not right now as she is taking babysteps to look inward and it's scary I'm sure. So I think she should be able to open up to others without the fear that I may be reading. She also went to her first IC counseling session yesterday afternoon. She came home and was happy and excited. She connected with the therapist and made her next appt.
My two month "Me" sabbatical was amazing but now with the return of my W to our home, I need my DB friends and guidance. I'm posting this in Newcomer's... well, because that's where all of my peeps are (or were) and where my mentor veterans have always found me. I'm weary of "Piecing", I'm not sure I trust where we are right now since the transition is so fresh. I do know it is better.. FOR SURE!... we are better. But I don't know where "here" is.
I'll be catching up on sitch's and spreading some love. Happy Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for all of you.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
And I am in a really good place. I took some time away from the forum to focus on myself instead of my sitch. It has been really good for me. I have a clarity and am excited about MY future more than I have been in a very long time. 