She also mentioned last night that she doesnt ever want to get divorced.
That's good, you've got plenty of time for your DB'ing.
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She is upset about breaking up the family, she mentioned that. I just told her she shouldnt worry about that and that things would work out fine. She is constantly telling me that she doesnt want me to be alone. I told her not to wory about me at all, just worry about herself. I feel like these fears are her own, but she tries to project them onto me.
Your responses to her statements were good validation. Don't worry about whether she's projecting or whatever, don't try to figure out what she's doing. Remember Sandi's tip about not believing anything they say. The WAS is confused and in turmoil inside and a lot of conflicting statements will come from the WAS during that turmoil.
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She mentioned last night when we spoke that we haven't even been talking lately, and she is curious as to what I am up to. Should I just keep her guessing, and not share much into with her?
It's OK to be mysterious, but don't lie and don't avoid. If she asks specific questions then answer them. Just don't offer the info up on your own.
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She mentioned that she wanted to start talking again. I don't know how I feel about that. Every time we talk the conversation goes where I don't want it to go.
Let HER talk and YOU listen. Let her take the conversation wherever she wants to take it. Don't try to direct or control it, just be the greatest listener ever. Listen and validate. Makes lots of eye contact. Nod. Ask clarification questions. Don't agree/ disagree/ beg/ plead/ negotiate/ explain/ defend. Just seek to understand, and say things like "I hear you saying X, Y, Z, how did that make you feel?" and "I understand why you feel that way".
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If we talk it will lead to more of me saying what can change, and that things can work.
DON'T SAY THAT!! When you say things like that you're saying "your feelings don't matter, this is stuff that can be easily fixed." DON'T try to fix things! Just listen and validate. That's it. That's what she wants, she wants to be heard and understood.
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Part of me feels like she needs to hear that stuff from me.
Remember Sandi's tip about showing the WAS ACTIONS. Words don't mean anything. Also remember that DB'ing is often counterintuitive, your mind is telling you to explain and reason but that is WRONG. It doesn't work.
