I spent part of the day today making payments on bills that have piled up over the last few months. Still sorting out the financial disaster of W staying in bed for over 2 months and doing absolutely nothing. Got some control spew and venom from W today. All started as we were getting ready to go out to S10's BBall game. W asked if I had any cash, I said no because I gave S12 $20 lunch money when I took him to school this morning. W then begins to tear me apart in front of S12 for "taking control" of everything. Tells me that I have to tell her everything so that she knows whats going on. S12 caught a stray bullet as she lit into him for not telling her he needed lunch money so she could write a check. He simply said he forgot.
This discussion continued when we arrived at the gym and were able to sit alone. W finally admitted that it wasn't the $20 as even she realized it was a ridiculous thing to have flown off the handle about. She tells me that she doesn't care what I do, that I can have everything and take over all of it. I assured her that I wasn't trying to take control, I was just trying to be helpful and relieve stress while making sure we didn't get the house foreclosed on or the van repossessed.
W then tells me that I've got to talk to S12 because apparently they had it out on the way to the van while I was locking up the house. She says, "Every time I say something to you like that, he gets mad at me. You have to do something about that." As we discussed this, I assured her I would make sure S12 was reminded to respect her at all times. She tells me to tell him, "Whatever is between you and me is our business, not his." I told her that I understood, and tried to validate her feelings of frustration with S12. I did try to get her to understand that if we want it to not affect S12, we should limit any more confrontation in front of him.
It's hard for W to grasp that S12 just watched his mother b!tch out his father for giving him $20 lunch money when he took him to school.
W is such a type A personality that she cannot let go control of anything. I knew that me taking the initiative to pay bills that she has avoided would eventually create this. It doesn't matter. I am now having the mortgage and the car payment drafted straight from our account. I also tried to explain to her that it was an attempt to lesson the burden of paying bills and just make life easier. She even admitted that we got behind because she stayed in bed for 2 months. (her words, not mine) She even said that this "depression" or whatever that she was in made her not herself. She doesn't understand how it all ties together.
It's like watching the front loading washing machine with a rainbow of colored clothes in it. Her thoughts are all over the place. She just cannot see how any of this is connected. Her feelings towards me, her rejection of responsibility, her remaking herself, her troubles with our son, her infatuation with social media/texting, her sudden desire to feel sexual with other men, her coloring her hair, her weight loss, her "segregation" in the house, her reconnection with her mother, her batch of new friends that are all D or on 2nd husbands or contemplating D, etc, etc, etc. Throw into the mix that she cannot understand the changes I am making and wants to reject them all. She cannot process my responses to anything that she says or does anymore. DBing on my part is just causing her mind to spin even more.
Bless her heart. She cannot see the big picture. Tonight was more evidence that her brain is really short circuiting. When we got home, I went downstairs to work out and she immediately retreated to her bed with phone in hand. I fully anticipate withdrawal into full on recluse mode over the next 24 hours. Its like she's looking at a mosaic and cannot even see the beauty of the art because she is trying to see what each individual piece is.
On another note, we have been hosting all our inlaws for Thanksgiving over the last few years. My mother has to work, so she's out. Her mother has suggested going out, which is fine. W said she doesn't want to cook anyway (surprise, surprise). Odd thing is that I have asked her for over a week if she's talked to her Dad to find out what he is doing. She hasn't even called him. This is the same man that made the observation about how much happier I looked and acted. W has basically cut off communication with him over the last month. They used to talk almost daily before all this stuff began.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
