"You're My Best Friend"

[Wonka]

Bright,

Go on and take a look. When you see the sidebar, you'll understand this phrase "Let's get married!" in its entire context.

[BrightFuture]

Got it, thanks.

[reachingHigher]

Update:

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my sister. H & I stayed in a local hotel room, which was very nice.

I feel we made a lot of progress forward this weekend.

My sister and I spent some time together alone. We visited some childhood issues and took several incidents in my life and worked through them, closing the door on unresolved emotions with each one. It was SO healing!

She also gave the four of us (my H, me and two boys) a personality test. We all came out different! Surprise, surprise!

But....I found it very valuable in working on R's with our boys, with my H, and accepting who I am.

I'll put a little profile here of me:

Organized
Loyal
Can be depended on to follow things through to completion
Enjoy creating order, structure and schedules
Enjoy interacting with people
Warm-hearted and sympathetic
Tend to put others' needs above their own
Very good at giving practical care
Very cooperative, good team members
Practical and down-to-earth
Value peaceful living and security
Enjoy variety, but work well with routine tasks
Need approval from others
Receive satisfaction from giving to others
Live in the here and now - dislike theorizing about the future

I feel this helped me immensely with seeing my strengths and weaknesses.

My sister and I also talked about other times I was "stuck" in my life and why and so on.

Today, I viewed my H's personality profile and looked at how I could understand him better in relation to me. He needs a great deal more personal space and private space than I do. His manner of communicating is action not talking. Seeing this, helps me understand more of who he is, and if I'm mindful of it, hopefully can help us in our R as we move forward.

Tonight H and I did separate activities. H is out with a guy friend viewing a live wrestling match. I went to a library function on learning how to cook healthier for the holidays!

H is planning our mutual Christmas present which I think will be a show, dinner, etc. After seeing his personality profile, it makes sense that this would be a special gift from him. He takes pleasure in the here and now. And he is very fun to go out on dates with!

My idea of a present is different. So I have a gift in mind to give him. The kind that will be wrapped really attractively and one I know he will like. B/c that's who I am. I like pretty presents under the tree for me and that's what I'll give to my H.

So...this has given me a lot of food for thought. And confidence in who I am. That just being me is good enough. Good enough for me and those around me. This has also given me desire for more harmonious and understanding R's in our family. And THAT is something to be very thankful for!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wonka, I really appreciated your list suggestion, thank you !!! It was so sweet of you to think of me

Last week (before reading this) I was watching my H get ready to go out for the evening and I said you look sexy as he!!. He was going out to meet his drinking friends, so I obviously was saying this altruistically. But I could tell he really appreciated it!

This is a good reminder to treat our spouses with kindness and respect at every opportunity we can get.

I'll incorporate some more of these in my convo's.

BF and uRw, glad you liked the parody. The party was cancelled for weather

MissA, I appreciate the advice and also the suggestion for a career test. I'll go that route if I don't pass the test in the next month or so. Some of my other interests don't work well with the schedule the family has. You know how that goes.....

Pud, Ambiv just said "hey Pud", when she meant "hey rH"! I guess you figured it out?

And Ambiv, thanks for your thoughts and reflections. And thank you for explaining. I still keep up mostly on reading your thread.

uRw, I love all the things you said to me. You got way, way down in my gut, my heart and made me think! And I know that you wanted that. My sister and I worked on some things that needed closure. And I feel more "me" than I have in ever so long.

I've got some work to do. I feel more in a balanced place now, after Thanksgiving. I'm more excited about life than I have been for a long time. Not the giddy, excited, school-girl excitement, but the settled, peaceful, mindful-in-the-present excited. It's a good place to be.

[Pudmuddle]

Sounds like you had a wonderful holiday rH. The time with your sister sounds amazing and very profound for you.

Yes, I finally did figure out what Ambi was talking about and to who. I kept looking at back posts and thinking where did I ask that question...lol.

You sound so balanced and healthy...and most of all happy. You may still have things to work on but you are sounding more and more clear of that path every day. Sounds like a VERY good place to be!

HUGS to ya.

[complicated]

So glad you had a wonderful holiday RH. It is always nice to spend it with family and that you and your sister were able to work through some things even better.

Sounds like you and H continue to move closer together and further down the mlc path. I continue to cheer for you and celebrate your progress.

Keep posting. You continue to give us all hope. My H is planning to file in January so I continue have hope after seeing how far you and h have come.

[reachingHigher]

The time with your sister sounds amazing and very profound for you.

You sound so balanced and healthy...and most of all happy......Sounds like a VERY good place to be!

It was amazing. And yes, a good place. Thanks so much!

I continue to cheer for you and celebrate your progress.

Thank you, c,

I'm so sorry to hear that things are not yet progressing positively for you. Thank you so much for your positive encouragement!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There is so much grief on the forum at this time of year

I was part of it last year. Job was continually posting to me to keep my sanity!! And I was hoping beyond hope for a Christmas miracle! You know the rest of that story!

I had an idea today and it was of the lighter variety. I wanted to share it with you but Shhhhh!!! Don't tell H!

I saw something in Pier I Imports today that gave me this idea.

I'm going to print up some cute little note slips of paper on the printer. They will have a Santa theme and at the top will have 2 categories: Naughty or Nice.

Then I will write a little note to my H each day between now and Christmas. It will be mostly little acts of appreciation such as today I'll say, Thank you for changing the lightbulb in the living room overhead light.

Then I'll circle "Nice" and slip it in his lunchbox or bathroom drawer.

Wonder what I'll do on the days I hafta circle "Naughty"...

Forever Young, you have any ideas???

[job]

If he leaves the toilet seat up...naughty! LOL!

[Wonka]

Or swiping a slice of your homemade chocolate cake when no one's looking and slinking off all by himself!

[complicated]

Love it RH!

[reachingHigher]

Wonka and job....funny! I've never seen my H leave the lid up in all the years I've ever known him. And for guilty pleasures...he seems to enjoy them in the open, lol!

Glad you liked my idea, c!

I still am looking for some naughty behavior! He seems surprised and pleased by the "nice" notes!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Last week the WSJ had an article on marriage compatibility and an online quiz of how happy you are in your M. I asked H to take it. He came out with an 8 on a scale of 1 - 10 and I came out with a 7. I explained with me there was a loss of trust with him and also an uncertainty that I was fulfilling his needs. He didn't defend or explain. He just understood.

I do think overall we are balanced and happy. This Christmas is far different from last. But looking back, I just took one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. And I can see its all part of the "journey".

His journey, my journey and our journey.