Funny how the pending Holidays and the related stress have got me back posting here. Oh well, I am grateful for the support.
So this got a little interesting.
XW texted me last night to tell me (in a friendly manner) what her Thanksgiving plans were with S. The following ensued:
Me: I don't mean to be a buzzkill here, but I have him this Thanksgiving.
Her: Not True. You had him last Thanksgiving. I remember because my mother was here and we had to wait to celebrate the day after. Feel free to call her in you aren't remembering.
Me: There was a reason why it waws this way - but I can't remember.
*I pause to find the divorce decree*
Me: Page 19, item 6 of the agreement. I have him for Thanksgiving on odd years....the language states that nothwithstanding I will have him for 2012.
Neither of us are allowed to have him for Thanksgiving AND Christmas. In 2011 you had him for both, so in 2012 I got to have him for both. This year we begin to alternate - you have Christmas, I have Thanksgiving.
*She pauses for awhile*
Her: Do you want to take Christmas this year and I'll take Thanksgiving? I have really been building T-Day up with him.
Me: Knowing that I didn't have Christmas, I've been buidling it up with him, too. I am not prepared right now to decide. However, I know I do not have much time to deliberate. If you need an answer immediately, I will keep him for Thanksgiving.
Her: Sleep on it. I know that your family really gets into Christmas and Christmas Eve - especially since your sister and S's cousins will be here.
*I didn't respond*
This morning I e-mailed her back and said that having had time to think about it I will keep him for Thanksgiving as per the divorce decree. I told her that I had him last Christmas and that it is only fair for her to have him this Christmas. I told her that mentally I had already let go of Christmas this year, and though it is gut-wrenching, I will accpet being without him.
I then hopped on a plane headed back home. When I landed she texted me and said "Is your final decision Thanksgiving, then?". I responded and said "it is".
Sooooo, this is where I struggle. I know that she made plans to travel by car up north a few hours to spend T-day with her friend's family and S - and up until 24 hours ago she was pretty sure that was the plan - period. She did not read the divorce decree. Once again, I feel bad not letting her be happy and have her way. At the same time, I am trying to embrace the fact that her happiness is not my responsibility.
The fact that she texted me to ask if that way my "final decision" even after reading my e-mail tells me that she really, really wanted to take him and is probably struggling not being able to do so. She didn't, however, lash out. She told me that she wasn't going to celebrate Christmas with him until she went to IA with him...so I guess that is why she didn't mmind giving up Christmas...I mean, it sux, but she was willing to do it.
I hate this guys. My heart really hurts. I derive no pleasure from her unhappiness and certainly not my own. Moreover, I hate that S is in the middle of all of this. Times like this always make be want to ask if this is the "better" she was looking for when she said she wanted better for our S when she dropped the bomb. I keep that notion to myself.
I used to love the holiday with her...and the one holiday we spent together as a family. Now I dread this time of year and I still associate it with loss and pain. It has gotten better - but the joy is almost 100% gone. I just want it to be over and I HATE feeling that way. I am going to give hte best Christmas I can to my son and then be glad it is all over.
I derive no pleasure from her unhappiness and certainly not my own. Moreover, I hate that S is in the middle of all of this. Times like this always make be want to ask if this is the "better" she was looking for when she said she wanted better for our S when she dropped the bomb. I keep that notion to myself.