Coming Back To Life

[BrightFuture]

Busting, thanks for stopping by. You are absolutely right about having my own time and my own agenda this weekend. This is exactly what I’m planning to do, read, mediate and relax. I’ve been reading the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Liz Gilbert. I’m reading the part about her experience in India and her struggles with meditation. I’ve got a few ideas from there, since I’ve been struggling with mediation as well. So, I cannot wait to read the following chapters. I’m with you here, taking one day a time and living in NOW. I’ve been reading your updates and I know that you are having some challenging time right now with all kinds of feelings, new and returned…

I just want to quote something, which is part of meditation practice I’ve been doing.
“As we detach from the outcome of whatever we desire, we let go and gently surrender to the wisdom of uncertainty, which holds our freedom from the past, the known, and the limitations of any preconceived notions. In our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we give ourselves over to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe, trusting that what we desire will come to us.”

Well, I have to put it here… We had a text exchange with my BIL (H’s brother who lives in the same neighborhood with me). Apparently he has not Thanksgiving plans now, since nobody responded to his invite. I told him that I’m still planning on going to my vacation home and he asked me when. Then he told me to let the boys (I guess my son and my other BIL – sister’s H) know if they want to go for a beer. I don’t know if he is not invited to any of his multiple friends’ houses, or he was waiting for me to invite him to go with me. It sounds like he is lonely and is wants to be with a family. He is single and doesn’t have any family here except my family. I always thought that he had lots of friends and he always has a GF. So, I don’t know what the deal is. I felt so sorry for him that I almost changed my plans and in a split second I thought to invite him to go with me. Whew, I’m glad I didn’t. I want to enjoy my time on my own, period.
And this is my problem, I would feel the same about H. Instead of letting people feel the consequences of their decisions, I try to rescue them at the first sign of trouble. I know my BIL chose this life for himself. My H told me last year during our last R talk, that his brother has probably made the best choice in life of never being married and doing whatever he wanted. Oh, he said it like this “BIL is probably the smartest of all”. So, why do I feel sorry for my BIL now? Please stop me…