A brief summary is that my situation is a lot like the classic walk away wife situation. She had issues with the marriage and i wasn't fully aware of them until she decided it was too late. I was made aware of this in May 2013 She had an affair with a person from work and we have been trying to hold things together since. I found out about the affair in July 2013, though it had supposedly started in May 2013. It has supposedly been over since September 2013. She did work with the OM for all of that time but has since accepted another job that she starts in a few weeks.
I haven't posted in a while to try to slow things down in my own head and figure out what I want from all of this. Last time I posted, she was going to move out and was about to sign a lease on an apartment. I had told her that crosses the line for me and that I would file for divorce if she did. She signed the lease and was served papers the next day. The following day she had another change of heart and claimed she wasn't ready to give up on us. She called the landlord and he let her get out of the lease. We agreed to let things sit through the holidays, let her get settled into her new job and that if on 2/1/14, she still felt like she needed to move out, I would be willing to do that without filing for divorce.
Things seemed to go mostly ok the last 10 days, nothing really special one way or the other - just kind of existing and falling back into our normal lives. I tried to give her space when she needed it but still tried to be affectionate and understanding. My brother and his girlfriend are up for the holiday and we did many family things together. We planned to go out to her family's house for Thanksgiving and were talking about plans for Christmas.
Apparently today, the landlord called her and said he didn't have another tenant and would be willing to drop the price. She agreed again to sign the lease. The reasons are the same as before: this is what I want to do, this is what I feel like I need to do, I can't get any clarity on the situation in the house, I don't know if I love you anymore, I don't know if we ever should have gotten married, I can't give you what you deserve, etc.
I think the advice here would be to allow her to move out and let things sit for a little while before I make a decision on what I want to do. I am having a very very hard time with that. I had not yet called my lawyer since she was served to cancel the filing and I am inclined to just move forward. I feel like this is the last way that I can stand up for our marriage and myself. I do see some merit in what she says but given the affair and her inability to live up to her own agreements, I don't see a good way out of this. I don't know if I would be able to trust her again, not only because of the affair but because she can't hold herself to her word.
I don't want to make a huge mistake but I just think that if being served papers isn't a wake-up call, the relationship and her feelings are a lot further gone than I ever could have suspected.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
