No one really cares what she did and how much it may have hurt me. (my family does but its secondary)
her family and friends all knew, they always knew, but like the WAS, they justified and believe what they have to believe to live with her and themselves.
What i am most thankful for is that i did not reconcile. after a few grueling months of trying to come to grips with it, and the horrible worrying about making a wrong step or wrong word, and eggshells, etc etc - limbo is hell. (and so many of you tried your best to help me, and i do appreciate it) the best thing i did for myself was accept it, and make the decision that i was done being disrespected and that i did not want her back.
what i found about myself is when i had wanted her back, it not because she was the greatest woman in the world and i loved her deeply, although thats what i believed at the time, but in reality i wanted her back because i couldnt have her.
it is one of the most illogical cravings - why would i want someone who clearly cared nothing about me? i look at her today and cant believe i ever wanted her back.
I know that if we had reconciled, i would have never have forgotten nor forgiven what she did. it would have always been on my mind. (and thats who i am, right or wrong) i would have spent my life trying to stiffle my feelings and push them down.
and i think people in this situation should back away from the idea that they MUST win their spouse back, and first carefully consider if they could really forgive that person if they did come back.
and if not, then just come to grips with it and walk away. to me, thats an acceptable path to choose.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
